what I've learned this summer… '17

With school right around the corner and less than 2 weeks left of summer, I thought I should write. I have learned a lot this summer… I have learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back to the way they were before. 

These past 4 months (and 2 days… but who's counting?), I've learned a lot about myself & grown into a much stronger person because of it. I've learned to love, smile and be happy again. 

I've learned to let go and experience life for myself and how I want to without chasing anyone else around. I've learned how to camp in a tent for a weekend and how to force myself into crazy adventures that might scare me at first, but I learned to love them in the end.  I've learned to step up into my role as a Freshman Camp counselor and give back to the organization that has done so much for me in the past year. I've learned that I can do anything I set my mind to. I've learned how to save money and not spend it the second I get it. I've learned that waiting is so much better than jumping into anything. I've learned to be alone and be comfortable in the silence. I've learned that I need to be better for myself, my God, my future… 

I've learned to turn towards Jesus and put it all in His hands. I've learned to stop worrying & stop caring about other people who don't care about me. I've learned new songs that can just simply be new songs & not remind me of anyone or anything. I've learned that things change & people change and that's okay. I've learned (well mostly convinced myself) that it's okay to unfriend people you don't talk to anymore. It doesn't mean you try to cover up the past it just means that you move on and are thankful for the memories. I've learned that no matter how bad it seems now, life goes on. I've learned (and taught myself) how to heal. I've taught myself that it's okay to grieve the loss of someone still living as long as you don't stay there. Tomorrow will be better and you will come out stronger from this. I've learned that "making a living" isn't the same as "making a life". No matter how cliche it sounds… you are only young once. You are only able to do somethings now at your age so why don't you?! Take off 3 weekends from work to go camping with your friends & go to FC. You'll remember the moments and the people and the laughs more than you will the small amount of money you make. 

Another thing that I've learned about myself this summer, is that I might have to do everything alone. I might not have the important people supporting my decisions. I chose to be a camp counselor because I love it. Because I wanted to give back. Because I wanted to help the freshman make those new friendships that I got to make. Maybe those people in my life didn't care for it, but I did and that's all that matters.

I've lost myself and then found myself all over again. I've learned to move forward from the past. I've learned to love myself more. I've learned that everything can & will change. I've learned to not let late nights consume me, and not to worry about anything; it can be fixed in the morning. I've learned to be kind to myself, because sometimes I only have me. I've learned that some broken things stay broken for a long time and I've learned that I can get through bad times and look forward to better times as long as I have the people who love me.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, forget what you did but never forget how you made them feel. I've learned that I'm smarter than I give myself credit for and stronger than I ever thought possible.

 But most importantly, I've learned to be free… I learned to be independent and love life again.  

And in the end all I learned was how to be strong alone.