I felt like I was drowning, always sore, always tired. I never had time to do anything for myself, my acne got worse, I was constantly sick, my side of the room looked like a tornado blew through it, work demanded so much from me, nightmares never stopped, my phone was always dead, rocket hall became my home in between classes, my lanyard had so much shoved into it that it barely zipped, homework and books I never even looked at piled up, papers and essays I barely knew anything about surrounded me, my grandparents sold their house of more than 20 years and moved to Florida for the winter which was super hard on me, can't even see through the mess to graduation… it seems so far away, home didn't feel like home, I learned that people that you spent 4 years in high school with won't even look at you when you run into each other in public, they won't call you when all your """friends""" are hanging out, my aunts house immediately was filled with my things because she lives a lot closer to campus, I was always getting yelled at either at home or work, I was alone… me and my backpack full of fear and stress, Blackboard hated me and Toledo scared me, I never had the energy or time to post on my blog…when it eventually got cold I learned what clothes to wear without sweating in class and not freezing outside, I spent way too much money on food and random things, my success coach at the time was never around to help out, my car was always out of gas and prices kept going up, I learned people that you think wouldn't fail you definitely will, I was constantly… physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted, my book bag felt like bricks weighing me down as I was walking around campus. first semester taught me how far of a walk the union is from rocket hall!
I'm actually surprised people in and around UT, didn't run fast as they could, the other direction from me. this was my everyday life for more than 5 months. Toto, we're not in high school anymore.
first semester just really sucked.
I finally had the guts to tell my amazing friends that I was quitting my job, that they helped me get, because I got a new one. that wasn't easy at all and no matter how hard I try I won't ever forget that. I then started at my new job, which is a lot more flexible. it's going good, less hours but I have more motivation to get my school work done. Sometimes it feels like I should have done it earlier.
some good things that my first semester of college taught me was how to properly back out of a parking spot in the crowded parking garage (WITHOUT hitting the car behind me!), I learned that people that you've known for 4 months will text you 3 hours after you saw them saying "I miss you!", I learned that I should listen to Chris when he says pray the rosary on the way to campus, it helps! it really does!, it taught me to rely on my new friends, get jimmy johns more that I really should, with Hanna, a girl who I just met but it feels like I have known for years, sit next to a kid named Evan in science, who allows me to use his portable phone charger, spend a weekend on work crew at your favorite place in the world serving kids who just let Jesus in their hearts and minds, hang out with Mike every Tuesday in the union it'll be awesome to see a familiar face, talk to a girl named Kallie who only lives 15 minutes from you it'll really be nice to meet a friend from the NWOAL, encourage Cullen when he needs it the most, it taught me that headphones can make the long walk go by a lot faster, spend a full day with your freshman camp friends at retreat and then get kicked out of the mall with them after, get your nails done with Alysa so you're not alone, get dinner with your new friend, Alex, I promise she cares for you, pick up speedy freezes with Meg, a girl who was in the same cabin with you at freshman camp, hang with Dani and Dominic in Rocket Hall for hours on end, go in the ChiO house with Judy to help her with the PINK event… it taught me that just one night full of laughter with The Crew will make everything better, I learned that in college no one really cares and they don't make fun of you for whatever embarrassing thing you might think you do, I learned that if you hide in a storage closet in a random church while playing Zombie Tag you will eventually get found, it taught me how to throw my hair in a side braid and pretend I tried, I learned that Ignite is my favorite night of the month, I learned that for sure, I am
NOT defined on how I'm doing in school!!
Most importantly this semester, I learned to trust Jesus more. I was alone a lot of the time around campus, He sure did hear a lot from me.
find new, good people that you can fall back on, see life through their eyes, hear their stories.... I've found my people, I pray and hope that you have.
here's to a new start of a new semester. new beginnings. some online classes. different days, something new. hopefully something better. grades don't define you, I promise you that one. YOU are more than the messiness, more than the pain. You are worth everything in God's eyes, no matter the grades, no matter the acne, no matter what.
