2017 just really wasn’t my year.

I’m going to be extremely blunt and totally honest with you, right now. 

2017 just really wasn’t my year. 

In 2017, oh man… it taught me a lot. 

I’ve learned that God is still there even in our messy and broken lives. He is there, walking along side of you, holding your hand saying it’s going to be okay. I see it as if I put myself in a huge, deep dark tunnel so far back that, light or any sort of color couldn’t get to me. I isolated myself and tried to protect myself as much as possible, so I couldn’t get hurt again.

I was trying extremely hard to find my way out and once I finally did, I saw Jesus… 

way in the distance, holding a lantern showing me to the exit. 

Through everything that has happened in 2017, I’m proud to be writing this for you today saying that I’ve learned to turn toward my Creator more, because He is the one who can heal all. 

2017 kicked me, knocked me down more times than I can count and really kept barely dragging me along. This whole year I’ve learned everything in the book that there ever is to know about the phrase “moving on”.
The most important part I’ve learned is...
it’s FAR from easy. 

For me during this year, moving on has been unfortunately realizing I need to accept change and finally making that change. When I went tumbling into my obvious new reality, it was hard. It took a long time to understand it. I’ve learned that moving on consists of spitting out a softly spoken, “hey” at 9 at night, in a random bookstore after not talking in months. I’ve learned that it all can heal, it might take a really, really long time. But it can and it will and it will be stronger than before.

But the good news is, 

I’ve grown and became a better person in 2017. I’ve matured massively and I’ve shown myself how much better I can be. Another life lesson that I’ve learned a lot this year, is that I enjoyed my alone time more. Don’t get me wrong, I love people. I love hanging out and seeing people all the time but I also love separating myself to recharge. Whether it’s walking around an amusement park by myself, sitting on the dock at the lake, putting my hammock up at camp, listening to music around campus, going on a bike ride alone or even just sitting in bed. I’ve learned to be more comfortable by myself this year. I’ve also realized the people I want in my life and who really wants to be in mine. I’ve realized that I need to surround myself with people who bring out the happiness in me, it’s that simple. I visted Camp 5 separate times this year… February, twice in August, October & November!

I’ve finally learned how to trust new people that came into my life this year, which it really took me a while to learn this one. And I finally found a way to be happy again, oh I missed that. I’ve learned that some people I’ve known for such a short amount of time can want better for me than anyone I’ve known for years, in many different situations. Because of that… I made some of my best friends this year, in many different places of my life that I hope to have for years to come! And wow am I so thankful for all of them. I’ve learned to turn towards my wide group of friends more and more everyday, they are such a wonderful gift from God, that I do not deserve.

I’ve been through crazy experiences and gone on adventures I’ve never thought I’d ever get to do (and got the best pictures for insta while doing so!). I’ve been to unbelievable places and loved every second of it!  This year, I’ve held my friends hands tight while learning how rollerblade, closed my eyes while on scary rollercoasters, threw up on the way home from Cedar Point (it sucked then but is hilarious now!), slept in tent, got a weird sunburn on my face from falling asleep on the beach, laughed in a hotel room with The Crew, walked the streets of DC on a cold January weekend, ran away from the zombies in Zombie Tag,  shopped in the hot Ann Arbor summer heat with my aunt, watched the Solar Eclipse from the lake house, went to 2 amazing concerts!, made new friends I felt like I have known my whole life and stayed up until unbelievable hours of the night, discovered new restaurants and stores, spent weeks at the lake, met up with Chris and Pip at Chipotle a bunch;  I just love how God has us 3 in the same place during this season of our lives, I also taught myself how to save more money in a way this year and that every penny counts, I ate way too much ice cream, became a  counselor and a cabin leader in Freshman Camp, went on many amazing day trips and even got to see my best friends get married and so much more. 

These are just some of the perfect memories I’ve had in this year,

2017 wasn’t all bad.

The best part and the only part that really matters is I fell back on Jesus more in 2017 and He listened to all my prayers that ended in my pillow being stained with tears. I have totally strengthened my faith this year and that is something I am so proud of. He has given me people that show me His unending love and forgiveness each minute of every day and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Lord in 2018, I pray to become a better sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter and friend.

and in the end, that I become better at following You.

This year has been mostly stressful, lonely and confusing but oh wow, my God is none of those things. 

He’s strong, mighty and lovely. 

He’s better in the hills and braver in the valleys, I promise.

He’s the reason why I’m still smiling.