Every good and perfect thing is from Above James 1 17

in fields of flowers, in the farmer’s fields of corn or soybeans, fields of pumpkins, fields of grass

in anything really…

there’s bound to be a flower, a corn stalk, a soybean plant, a pumpkin, or a patch of grass that is almost dead, there might be a little bit of life left to it but one out of the thousands probably won’t grow as it’s supposed to, wont be the prettiest or what society considers “the best” and that is sadly true amongst humans as well. unfortunately, I have felt like those almost dead, no good, pushed aside, not cared for plants. sounds crazy but I think those were the ones surrounded by the “popular” plants. the barely holding on, colorless flowers were the ones bullied by others, called names, and just so sad and upset. maybe these were the ones that came home crying to their parents about how rude people are. maybe these were the ones who can barely hold on anymore and just looking for some kind of light to hold onto.

I’ve felt like this. I’ve felt like a plant with no sun, can’t grow or go anywhere. 

I’ve felt like a person who is stuck in one place mentally for years, not able to expand into anything more. 

I honestly believe if it wasn’t for my wonderful God giving me friends who basically saved me from all the hurt, all the lies and all the struggle emotionally I really truly wouldn’t be the person I am today. I would be in that same place, lost, confused sad and not growing one bit.

My friends changed me for the better. I am and will forever be eternally grateful for The Crew. They love like Jesus does and I hope to laugh with them forever. They are the most special thing to me and I never want that to end.

I guess I have never came out and actually told the story of how I met The Crew.

The story goes like this… (not going to say names, & I am currently a sophomore in college)

The summer before my junior year of high school, young college kids from my church started a youth group. some older members of 2 pretty big families at my church ran it. I started going and became friends with them just a little bit. I knew of them from church and events around town, but I never actually hung out with them before this. So when junior year came around, I still went to the youth groups but I didn’t start hanging out with them until this happened to me…

There was this girl I met when I went to the public high school after 9 years of Catholic education. We became friends almost immediately… we liked the same songs , were in some of the same classes and sat at the same lunch table. We hung out a lot, we watched movies in her basement, we went shopping together, I became friends with her family and she knew mine.

So our junior year of high school happened and she went to another school and I could just feel that something would happen between us. 

And no matter how long I thought about it I could have never been prepared myself for what was next. 

I remember it like it was yesterday,

every detail of that horrible day.

April of 2015…

I walked over to say goodbye to her as she was talking to some of our other friends and I heard her say “my boyfriend this… and my boyfriend that… blah blah blah” but in the weeks prior to this, her parents said no to this guy she was dating because he was in and out of drugs, came from a rough home life and just had a hard life in general. remember; to this day I haven’t met him and yes I realize that I could have done this so much differently but I said “wait what? you don’t have a boyfriend. your parents said no.” I was honestly just trying to protect her from hurting from not being able to be with him. she screamed at me that morning saying how unsupportive I was of her decisions. how bad of a person I was and how I will never get anywhere in life. she left me horrible voicemails, sent me paragraphs about how terrible I was and always will be. she sent me things no one should ever have to read. I was shocked. I had no words. I tried to push it out of my mind so fast.

How could a friend of mine like that change so quickly? How could she say all these bad things about me? 

I ran to The Crew after this happened and they have assured me (plenty of times) that I’m worth it. That real friends are forever and will never do anything to hurt me.  That all those things she told me were just lies and none of it was true. They have never once asked me to change. Never once spoke one mean word to me. They look out for me and go out of their way for me. They have always accepted me for me. my broken, confused, lonely and messy self. They reassure me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made by Our Creator. I have never experienced this before. All the people I have met have been full of rumors and negativity. They aren’t… they have nothing but good in their hearts.

The summer after my junior year I went to Buckeye Girls State and was shown first hand… this is how girls are really supposed to be; supportive of each other through it all. 

Through this and everything since, The Crew has showed me nothing but love for me. They show me how real friends act every single day. They have taken me on adventures since day 1 and I have the best time of my life with them. I trust them more than I have ever trusted anyone before. They accept me, care for me and push me closer to our ultimate goal of Heaven. All the time I ask God, “What? Me? No way! What did I do to deserve these awesome people???” He says I do in every way. I would have never thought I was the kind of person who God would do this to. He gave me friends that will do anything for me and I can’t say Thank You enough. I am so thankful to our most gracious God for giving me The Crew. There was a lot more that went into this all and a lot of hurt that came out of it. 

But Today, I am proud to say that I am a beautiful flower reaching high to the sky, with my hands up open wide, praising Jesus thanking Him for The Crew. Now, I am a totally different person. I am in a much better place because of The Crew. I have changed for the better, grown more that I could have ever thought and made real true and honest friends that my family adores. There is never enough time I could spend with them.

I could have never imagined this is how my life would play out. I am now the tallest flower, and I have grown tremendously since that day. 

“Every good and perfect thing is from Above.” -James 1:17

I wish I lived on campus…

If you knew me at this time last year, I was absolutely begging to live on campus. I would say it on any down time I had. I thought that was the solution to all my problems. It was my phrase instead of screaming "I HATE COLLEGE!" and running away I'd say "I wish I lived on campus! That'd make everything easier." 

And it would. 

I would get better grades because I would have resources right there for me to access. I wouldn't have to walk in the dark to my car. I wouldn't have to get into a blistering hot car in the summer after a long day of classes or a freezing car in the winter after walking across campus in the snow. I'd be earlier to my classes and less stressed. And most importantly, I wouldn't have to drive 35 minutes one way, to get to school. 

And the list goes on and on forever. 

But honestly, I love commuting.

Because if I didn't commute…

I'd miss out on staying at my aunts house since she lives so close to campus. I'd miss out on when the family wants to go on a quick trip somewhere, I'd miss out on talks on the back deck mostly every night. I'd miss out on playing the backyard baseball games that happen a lot around here. I'd miss out on picking my sister up from school and going to get ice cream after words. offer.  I wouldn't have any problems with my roommate because my sister is the only roommate I've ever known (since she was born) and if I'm being honest, I'd miss out on that too. I'd miss out on Saturday morning breakfast at The Charm. And the annual Christmas parade. I'd miss out on bike rides with my dad and sister around town. And going up to the park to hammock. I'd miss out on every little thing that this small town has to offer. 

I really enjoy spending time at home with my neighbor kids and all my family members! I love snuggling up in my own bed every night and having a home cooked meal to come home to. 

On campus, I have access to my car whenever I want. I can go home when I feel like it and don't have to plan it out for just the weekend. I get to drive my friends around and get to run errands when I'm done with class because I'm in the city. 

Yes, even after I post this I'm sure you'll here me complain about commuting… but it's really a blessing to live within commuting distance of my school!!

finding my calling...

“Mom, what should I dress up like for career day?” I asked in 5th grade. My mom and I must have gone through at least 50 different jobs that day after school and of course I said no to all of them. What about a hairstylist? Um, No. What about a grade school teacher? How about no. What about a nurse, an interior designer or a lawyer? Definitely not! What about a chef? “Mom, I’m so bad at cooking.” I said. “But, they will teach you!” None of these future jobs sounded up my alley at all. My mom asked finally, after so many choices, “Well, what about a TV Reporter?” You see my mom calls me “411” because I always like to know all the information in town, at school, at home and just about everywhere! I don’t remember the exact conversation, if I even said yes right away or if I was a bit stubborn about it but (you could bet on that). I soon found myself in a nice shirt, sweater and a black skirt standing in the classroom as a TV Reporter. The week before career day came around my dad and I made a microphone out of scrap paper and cardboard. We printed out a logo from the show, Entertainment Tonight and glued it to our DIY microphone and this all felt great to me. In class that day, we had to go around the classroom introducing ourselves and our dream jobs to the other students. I walked around the classroom, microphone in hand, and in that moment I finally knew this was my calling and what I wanted to do with my life! I was so excited!

I was then and still am now prepared to take any steps I need to get to achieve my goal. This job is perfect for me because I love talking to people some might say I will talk to anyone! When I got to college I found my dream major which is Media Communications. I started to meet professors and instructors in the Communication department and little by little my dream was starting to take hold even before my first day of college! On my orientation day, my mom and I got a tour of the UT 10 news studio. It was so cool to look around at the different sets, classrooms and computers that make it all happen. An interesting and neat thing I learned that day was that the Communication students can sign out video cameras to shoot their own projects for their classes. Also the communication students can come into the studio at any time of the day and work with the video editing software on the University’s computers. I am so looking forward to the day I am able to get in the studio and explore but most of all I can’t wait to get in front of the camera and tell everyone all the information I know. I really enjoy the classes at UT that I am required to take and the TV studio on campus is an amazing place to me. My major focuses in Broadcasting, working behind the camera and working online. I will also learn more about social media which I have a huge passion for. My parents think that my phone is just an extension of my actual hand.

People always ask me what my dream job would be after I graduate with a Media Communications degree from The University Of Toledo and I say anything in broadcasting especially in front of the camera! I would be happy with being a TV Reporter or working at a news station behind the camera at least to start. I would also love to run a company’s social media account or even get paid to blog for a company. I am open to any of these career options as long as I get a good paycheck and can live my dream of becoming famous! To start my job off I am very interested in working at 13 ABC Action News in Toledo, Ohio. It would be great to start there and work my way up in the industry. Eventually I would like to work in New York City or Los Angeles, California these are two places I have actually never been.  I would like to work in either New York or Los Angeles because I believe there are more job opportunities at TV studios and media companies in the bigger cities. This has been a dream for me ever since I was in that 5th grade classroom. I am just a small town girl with big city dreams!

What If I Told You…

today my sister and I were listening to the radio and "What If I Told You" by Darius Rucker came on and I just started crying. That song means so much to me because it perfectly describes my relationship with The Crew. It took me my whole life to find Godly  friends and I can honestly say it was so worth the wait. Even though, It took me my whole life to find good, true friends but the weird thing is, I've known them my whole life. I don't remember how exactly I met each one of them, it wasn't a formal "Hi, what's your name?" and a hand shake. It's just I've known of them ever since I was little, from seeing them at church. It took me so long to find the people who were already there. 

I would come home from school in tears, from being bullied, being made fun of, kicked out of a lunch table and you name it, it probably happened to me. I've always prayed for real friends. 

But God tripled and even quadrupled my request for friends. I thought I might have 2 or 3 close friends by now in my life but God said nah I've got bigger plans for you. God put so many amazing friends in my life, when we go see movies there's like 20 of us and we take up the whole row in the theater.  When we have game nights, it's so loud but my heart is so full. When a movie is playing, there is no room left on the couch and everyone is fighting for pillows!! When we play backyard volleyball, there so many people on each side. 

It's such an amazing feeling to have friends that will do anything with you.

The second verse of the song starts with "What if I told you sometimes I lose my faith?

I wonder why someone like you would even talk to me." Sometimes I do lose my faith, it's true. When that happens, I wonder why they still talk to me. Why would they talk to me? I'm not perfect at all, but Hey! they don't care. They know I'm not perfect but chose to be my friend anyways. "What if I told you there's no fixing me cause everybody's already tried" They love me anyways. They bring me closer to our God each and everyday. I have never, ever had anyone who loved me that much to push me closer to our Creator. They love me and look past my broken pieces and my messy past. 

The next part of the song goes, 

"If I told you all the stupid things I've done,

I'd blamed on being young…
But I was old enough to know, I know" 

I have done so many stupid things and shared so many stupid stories with them. But, they look right past that and are still friends with me. Friends are forever, no matter what. 

"What if I told you I don't plan on staying here? My dreams are a million miles away

And I know your family's gonna want you to stay…

You know what? 

I don't blame them."

Don't get me wrong, I really love our small little town with all my heart but my dreams are sooo far away. In a big city, with lots of job opportunities and more experiences and more things to see and do. I know that their family will always be here and no matter where I am or how long I am gone. Nothing will change between us. 

I am so thankful for my wonderful friends. The people that are full of adventure and spontaneity and laughs and movies and backyard volleyball and sunsets. I have had so many crazy fun experiences with them that I wouldn't change for the world. 

what I've learned this summer… '17

With school right around the corner and less than 2 weeks left of summer, I thought I should write. I have learned a lot this summer… I have learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back to the way they were before. 

These past 4 months (and 2 days… but who's counting?), I've learned a lot about myself & grown into a much stronger person because of it. I've learned to love, smile and be happy again. 

I've learned to let go and experience life for myself and how I want to without chasing anyone else around. I've learned how to camp in a tent for a weekend and how to force myself into crazy adventures that might scare me at first, but I learned to love them in the end.  I've learned to step up into my role as a Freshman Camp counselor and give back to the organization that has done so much for me in the past year. I've learned that I can do anything I set my mind to. I've learned how to save money and not spend it the second I get it. I've learned that waiting is so much better than jumping into anything. I've learned to be alone and be comfortable in the silence. I've learned that I need to be better for myself, my God, my future… 

I've learned to turn towards Jesus and put it all in His hands. I've learned to stop worrying & stop caring about other people who don't care about me. I've learned new songs that can just simply be new songs & not remind me of anyone or anything. I've learned that things change & people change and that's okay. I've learned (well mostly convinced myself) that it's okay to unfriend people you don't talk to anymore. It doesn't mean you try to cover up the past it just means that you move on and are thankful for the memories. I've learned that no matter how bad it seems now, life goes on. I've learned (and taught myself) how to heal. I've taught myself that it's okay to grieve the loss of someone still living as long as you don't stay there. Tomorrow will be better and you will come out stronger from this. I've learned that "making a living" isn't the same as "making a life". No matter how cliche it sounds… you are only young once. You are only able to do somethings now at your age so why don't you?! Take off 3 weekends from work to go camping with your friends & go to FC. You'll remember the moments and the people and the laughs more than you will the small amount of money you make. 

Another thing that I've learned about myself this summer, is that I might have to do everything alone. I might not have the important people supporting my decisions. I chose to be a camp counselor because I love it. Because I wanted to give back. Because I wanted to help the freshman make those new friendships that I got to make. Maybe those people in my life didn't care for it, but I did and that's all that matters.

I've lost myself and then found myself all over again. I've learned to move forward from the past. I've learned to love myself more. I've learned that everything can & will change. I've learned to not let late nights consume me, and not to worry about anything; it can be fixed in the morning. I've learned to be kind to myself, because sometimes I only have me. I've learned that some broken things stay broken for a long time and I've learned that I can get through bad times and look forward to better times as long as I have the people who love me.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, forget what you did but never forget how you made them feel. I've learned that I'm smarter than I give myself credit for and stronger than I ever thought possible.

 But most importantly, I've learned to be free… I learned to be independent and love life again.  

And in the end all I learned was how to be strong alone. 

God's masterpieces

in the mood to do some writing… 

look what God painted on the sky & in my heart tonight… 

I was thinking about the sunset as I was looking at it 
on my drive home tonight, so blessed that God creates 
a beautiful masterpiece day in & day out like a sunset 
for us to look at, I just don't know who would see a gorgeous sunset & not thank God for it. (which is something I always do!) but when I was also thinking of that, 
I thought of the other clouds in the sky at the same time as the sunset. 
everyone stares at the sunset & admires that and thinks how awesome of a job God 
did on it. But they don't look at the other clouds in the sky. They don't turn around 
and face the other direction than the sunset and see those clouds. 
(Like the clouds in the right of this picture) They don't admire that God created those too and they are all apart of the picture. It's kind of like people you meet, 
there might be one person or even a group of people that others look up to, 
the "populars" and think they are the best and are truly shining. 
But the general public doesn't even acknowledge that there are other people 
just as good out there, maybe different and not always apart of the main group… 
but didn't God create those too? 
Didn't God make them who they were too? 
you might just have to look around to see them & take your eyes off the main focus (or the main group of people taking center stage). 
God made all things beautiful. 

This might make no sense to anyone but God put that on my heart tonight 
so I hope you take a few minutes to look around and realize that God created all things in His image. 
so thankful for sunsets that show me all Gods creation every night❤️

But most importantly, do it for your own self.

Go ahead and do it.

Do it for your God.

Do it for your future little.

Do it for all the jobs you will get.

Do it for the experiences.

Do it for the opportunities.

Do it for the education.

Do it for your family.

Do it for your future family.

Do it for your future family's lake house you want.

Do it for your friends.

Do it for all the people you will soon meet. 

Do it because it's your passion.

Do it to succeed.

Do it for all the money you will make.

Do it to get out of this small town.

Do it for the kids that look up to you.

Do it to be happy.

Do it to prove it.

Do it because everyone knows you can.

Do it for everyone you've ever met.

Do it for your campers, this year and your campers in the years to come.

Do it because no one else did.

Do it to say Yup, I did it.

Do it to graduate.

But most importantly,

Do it for your own self.