He Loves You.

hey homie, hope you're doing well. 

Jesus loves sinners and He loves you so much, He created you to be in His image. He loves you when you mess up because He can heal all. 

He loves people in their broken and messiness. 

He is so strong and died for us. 

Isn't that amazing? 

Jesus literally died for our sins. 

He could stop at any moment but He didn't He died for us. 

God put these people in our lives to show us the shining light and that everything will be okay. 

Jesus changes hearts. 

He cares about you and me so incredibly much. 

He loves us even through our excuses.

It's okay to be sad and broken and messed up. 

Jesus doesn't want you to be perfect but He does want to to follow Him. 

He still knows all about you when you say no to your friends. 

He knows your positives and will give you the strength to fix the negatives in your life.

He knows what and who you surround yourself with. 

When He was on that cross, He was saying your name over and over again knowing you will follow Him.

I wanted to say Let Go and Let God. Let Him control all, even your hard times. That is completely okay, He wants you to find out more about Him. 

How could this not be real? 

I struggle with that, it's normal. How cool is it that the God who created oceans and animals and clouds and mountains and this wind and your family, all these great things, looked down into the world and said there needs to be a __fill in your name__ on this earth. He looked down and created us so individually and uniquely. He knows every single hair on our head and every thought that goes through your brain, disbelief and all. God needs nothing yet He chooses to pursue you. You are valuable, don't let anyone tell you differently. He put us on this world for a reason, to honor Him in all we do.

I hope you know that. 

no social media

here's an update on my past week, simple entries. on my no social media experience.

Monday: Just fine, went to YL didn't think about it much, phone was very empty when I woke up.

Tuesday: Thought about it a lot more, starting to bother me, Nice day out, went to play volleyball with My sister, texted some friends, planning events for  FCA, found myself bored and looking through my calendar😳

Wednesday: Busy during lunch (FCA), watched the neighbor kids at night, starting to really suck without social media but I don't have much longer now! not attached as much to my phone as I used to be. Hands don't hurt as much, Watched all the new YouTube videos. 

Thursday: Stayed after for yearbook, Took a friend home, texted a lot, realized how much I tweet and snapchat and post on Instagram

Friday (LAST DAY)  : Just have to get through until 6pm, people were using Twitter and snapchat at the lunch table, young life came after school and surprised us, how to look forward to something, people will fail you- you do it for you.

What I learned in this whole experience:

People will fail you. People aren't forever and neither is a commitment. I learned I'm pretty connected online. I'm not sure if I'll ever do this again.  Happiness isn't measured in the hours scrolling through the apps on your phone. Gods love is just the same with or without social media! 

 

On figuring myself out...

"A thousand times I've failed, but still your mercy remains." 

Does your happiness come from other unimportant people, or the people that love you unconditionally? 

Does over editing your selfies define you or does God's love for you define who you are? 

Does your happiness based on Double Stuffed Oreos and lemonade or does it rely on turning your heart to the One who made everything?

Does your personal joy come from Jesus Christ and His Holy Name or your negativity from your insecurities?

Does your strength rely on the hundreds of YouTube videos you watch or does it rely on the quiet times you have within? 

Does your self-esteem come from being beautiful in God's eyes or does it break down when others judge you and you worry too much?

Does your positivity come from scrolling on Twitter or does it come from praying to Our God?

Does your motivation come from your cell phone or really listening to your friends? 

Does your nervousness come from your late night thoughts when you can't shut your brain off thinking of earthly things or does your peace come from having a relationship with the One that created you? 

Do I want to continue to do Young Life in college or do I want to put my focus on something else?

Does your satisfaction come from text messages coming across your screen or sitting in church worshiping Jesus?

Does believing help you with everything or would you be the same plain and with nothing? 

I need to find where my heart is, where it has been and where it will be in the future. I need to let go of the past and figure out the future. Yes, I think God will provide but I have my whole future ahead of me I need to get ready for. I'm going to struggle in college I know it. I have never been in a school so large. I'm going to need to change my attitude again and I'm not ready for that jump. I need to find the answers to those questions. I need help, God. I fail constantly, I'm confused and lost and broken and I don't know what to do with my life. But, Jesus, You make my heart peaceful. 

...changes lives (for class)

Life has an amazing way of working out just before you thought it never would. 

Flashback to April of Junior Year. 

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was being over the top and people around me couldn't handle it. 

I was supposed to be more than happy. I was becoming a senior in high school,  less than 2 months away. But I wasn't happy with who I was or where my heart was. The argument was so real that day. Change hit me like a ton of bricks, change hit me like the worst rainstorm of my life. All the rain was pouring on me and I was looking for that rainbow. And That person will now never be in my life again and I was struggling with who I was in this big, wide and empty world. 

But I found my place in this world. Buckeye Girls State came into my life and changed it forever. Change happened and I couldn't be happier now.When I went to BGS, It opened my eyes to a brand new world.

Buckeye Girls / Boys State is a program about mock government and leadership one could attend after their junior year in high school. It's a week on two different college campuses with over 900 girls and over 1,200 boys in each program from all over Ohio. These are the students who have a unique interest in government and leadership and are willing to be Ohio's next leaders. It is sponsored by the American Legion, your post sends each student for free, all expenses paid. Buckeye Girls State is at The University Of Mount Union in Alliance, Ohio. and Buckeye Boys State was held at Bowling Green State University.  As you arrive on campus, The individual gets to sign in and receive a card with the necessary information for the week including what party they are in. At girls state, the political parties are Nationalists vs. Federalists. There is one Fed and one Nat in each room. 

Each student gets to pick, campaign and be elected to office for a certain job throughout the week. Your dorm room floor is your city and your dorm building is your county. I was in Junge City, Close County. Everyone works in different forms of government. If you don't know what you want to do going into the week, after looking over the choices before the week started, the next day is a 3 part workshop day to decide. I now Make sure I'm on time, never late, but it didn't hurt to be early. At both Boys and Girls State, You can be in the choir, band and a choice of being a highway patrol trooper. When the troopers are sworn in, each person has to wear their seatbelt. It might look like an average rubber band to anyone off of campus, but you always had to have it. I learned to Never drink and drive, Never text and drive and Always wear your seatbelt even if it's on sidewalks!! 

Throughout the week, there will be a ton of cheering, campaigning, caucuses, dress code, rallies and so much more.  The process of voting was a lot more detailed than I thought. Government is very important in our daily lives. It may seem like a lot of work walking around campus in the hot June heat, but it was so worth it. There is a free time block everyday, to chill in your room, get a smoothie at the café with your new friends, exercise or even take a nap. The girls in my city were definitely my support system and sat next to me at each meal. We all just clicked and became friends immediately. 

I had the privilege to be City Council President. It was such a surprise when the girls of Junge City nominated me for office! I was in charge of 45 other girls in my city. I found out on the 3rd day and got to wear this ribbon around on my lanyard. Only at BGS, you had to wear your lanyard everyday and everywhere outside of your dorm room. This lanyard has your key to your room, the key to your building, your meal swipe card and your identification and city/county. It was very useful to see who was yellow for nationalists and who was blue for federalists. It is so important to work together, no matter what party you are in, to get things done in an efficient manner. 

I found myself at girls state, even if it was 3 hours away. I was extremely happy to go and meet girls that weren't shoved into a high school like most girls I meet my age are and to find out that I'm not alone and there is so much to see and do and so many people to meet. I never knew half of the places in Ohio these girls were from. Did you know there is a town named Shadyside, Ohio? Either did I! Mostly, I learned to calm down, relax, have fun and smile through it all. The closing ceremony on Saturday was bittersweet. I was happy to go home. But, on the other hand, I was extremely sad to leave government functioning, all my new friends that touched my life and made me so happy, the workshops that taught me how to be the best city council president to my abilities, the cafe runs during free times, the chants we did for our cities, counties and parties. I miss it all. It's going to be a year in June.  Going back home into reality sadly, everything reminds me of my week in Alliance. I would give anything to go back! I am seriously considering coming back on staff, and using the staff  last year as my inspiration. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat! I loved it so much! I highly suggest you to go and learn more about government and meet some friends that will last a lifetime. Now I know you can't get a rainbow without a little rain. I would love to meet and answer any questions you might have. Thank you! 

Dear Future Homeowners,

Dear Future Homeowners,

I don't know you.

You don't know me.

We may never know each other.

You may never read this.

We might always be strangers. 

But this house has so much meaning to me. This was my grandparents house for over 20 years. My mom told everyone she was pregnant with me in this house. I stayed in this house when my sister was being born. We wrote words on the shower doors when we were younger. We spent every Christmas at this house. I would crawl into bed with my grandma and we would watch the news together. We always went in the hot tub on the deck. We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we poured our hearts out to each other in this house. Our whole family. This house will always have such a strong presence in my heart and I never want to let that go. I knew I could always come to this house. It was my security. I would wake up in the morning and have long talks with my grandma with hot chocolate. Yes, the clock sounds every hour on the hour, usually 1-2 minutes early. My sister and I would make Buckeyes and Christmas cookies every year in this house. We would walk all over town and come back to a warm and loving home. I would spin on the chair in the computer room until i was extremely dizzy. It's something I grew up in and now it won't be apart of me anymore. There are so many memories made in that house. You are truly lucky to have this house now. "If I could just come in I swear I'll leave. Won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me." It truly is the house that built me into a better person. We may never know each other but I love crazy, comforting, strong house. Take care of it, raise your family here, make memories you will never forget. I know I will never forget this house.  It means a lot to me. 

Sincerely, 

A stranger that has a million memories here. 

Questions for God

We are supposed to radiate Jesus when He was doing all the good on Earth. But we aren't we are going towards earthly minded things that don't even make any sense. 

Yes. I truly believe Everything happens for a reason with all my heart. During tough situations my grip loosens on that quote and I'm not sure what to do or how to do it. I always say I'll figure it out. But, I'm supposed to give it to God. 

But how??

How can I give it to God? 

How is that possible? 

I'm doing everything I can, God. 

I'm giving it to you. 

I constantly get told "talk to Him. Everything is under His plan." 

Is it really?? 

Sure doesn't feel like that. 

Why did He make us broken and lost and confused?

Why did He make me to feel alone?

Why does He allow someone to be good to you and in your life forever?

Why don't I have confidence, God?

Why isn't He  answering my questions?? 

It doesn't seem like what I've heard all my life that He wants us to be. 

Why did God create me to get mad at someone? 

Why did God create me to stress out? 

Why did God create me to worry about what people think of me? 

Why did God make me awkward and not brave?

Why did God create my life for me to not know what my plan is?

Why did God make struggles in my life?

Why did God let me block out everything? 

Why did God allow people to come back into my life, when I wasn't ready? 

Why did God let me cry myself to sleep? 

 Why did God say yup this is what you're doing right now? 

Why did He make my mind wander when I'm trying to learn? 

Why does God allow me to love so much when I shouldn't?

God, Why aren't there answers to these questions? 

on forgiveness...

Life becomes easier when accept an apology you never got. -Robert Brault  

Forgiveness is such a hard thing to do. It's not easy to just forgive someone over night for all the pain, stress and hardship they caused you. It doesn't happen with a blink of an eye or clicking your heels together 3 times (believe me I've tried). It begins first off when you accept God into your heart. If you accept Him and love Him, you will have Him looking after you and guiding you to do what is right. He knows life isn't easy and accepting Him into your life isn't easy. Even if you've known God for your entire life, continuing a trusting relationship isn't easy. This is where the second step in forgiving others, to me takes place. It's the fact that saying, thinking or praying, "Yes, I know God and I love Him. I am finally ready to move on from my past." You aren't going to jump up right away when you complete these steps and forgive everyone that has ever did you wrong. You just aren't. You need to pray and think about it for as long as you need. I think supportive friends that believe the same as you, is the next step. You need to surround yourself with people who love you so much and only want the best for you. I am so proud to say, I have those friends now. I have those people that will call me out when I'm being rude or not accepting others for who they are. Grace is there and everyone deserves it.  My past has changed me into a better person. Even though, I don't have some certain people in my life, it doesn't mean I shouldn't step back and forgive them for what happened between us. I'm not just going to forget but I'm going to move on and be a better person.  God is working in my heart and I pray He is working in yours too.