last days of high school...

I guess it just really hasn't hit me yet.

I'm not going back. 

I'm not going to have anymore enrichments or ten minute breaks.

I'm not going to have another year or another month or another week or another day. this is it.

I'm not going to be there sitting at my table every morning.

Maybe it will hit me Thursday afternoon when I'm cleaning out my locker for the last time. 

Or on Friday, my last full day of high school, my last bells, my last school lunch, my last breath of high school.

Maybe it will hit me early that Monday morning, when I wake up rushing to get to 1st block because that's all I've ever known. Or when I go back on Monday afternoon, just because I miss it so much. Or really bad Monday night  when I see all the posts from underclassmen missing the seniors. 

Or Tuesday when I'm checking my final grades. 

Or Wednesday at graduation practice realizing woah this is truly it for the class of 2016.

Maybe on graduation day thinking we are officially done. 

Or just one afternoon when I take "senior in HS" out of my bio and it takes everything out of me not to do it

Or when I try to sign into my school account and all the memory is deleted

Or when I'm scheduling college classes and maybe even my first day at college, when I'm alone,looking for a familiar face.

Or even a month into college when I don't know anything that's going on and I'm not leading anymore high school club meetings.

Or a random Sunday night when I'm laying in bed, crying wanting to go back.

Even just a day I drive by, and pull into my parking spot

Or when I want to go back and help and visit everyone and I'll have to get a visitors pass. 

Or a weird Tuesday night in November when you randomly get kicked out of the group chat, for no apparent reason at all.

Or when I just pause, out of no where and just stop whatever I'm doing and pause. a million good and a million bad moments going through my mind. Days when I'm missing it the most. Days when I remember how much I hated it before I came. Days when I remember I had the best 4 years of my life here. 

Days when I actually use skills I learned in and out of the classroom in real life. 

Or maybe it will happen every single day until I finally move on. Or when the little memories fade away that were so important in high school. I really don't know but it when it does I know it will take all the breath out of me, it will hit me like a brick wall. When it hits me, I have to tell myself to keep going and remember the good times. "High school is just a stepping stone."

 "You're gonna miss this you're gonna want this back, you're gonna wish these days haven't gone by so fast."

"I don't know where I'm going but I'm on my way."