2017 just really wasn’t my year.

I’m going to be extremely blunt and totally honest with you, right now. 

2017 just really wasn’t my year. 

In 2017, oh man… it taught me a lot. 

I’ve learned that God is still there even in our messy and broken lives. He is there, walking along side of you, holding your hand saying it’s going to be okay. I see it as if I put myself in a huge, deep dark tunnel so far back that, light or any sort of color couldn’t get to me. I isolated myself and tried to protect myself as much as possible, so I couldn’t get hurt again.

I was trying extremely hard to find my way out and once I finally did, I saw Jesus… 

way in the distance, holding a lantern showing me to the exit. 

Through everything that has happened in 2017, I’m proud to be writing this for you today saying that I’ve learned to turn toward my Creator more, because He is the one who can heal all. 

2017 kicked me, knocked me down more times than I can count and really kept barely dragging me along. This whole year I’ve learned everything in the book that there ever is to know about the phrase “moving on”.
The most important part I’ve learned is...
it’s FAR from easy. 

For me during this year, moving on has been unfortunately realizing I need to accept change and finally making that change. When I went tumbling into my obvious new reality, it was hard. It took a long time to understand it. I’ve learned that moving on consists of spitting out a softly spoken, “hey” at 9 at night, in a random bookstore after not talking in months. I’ve learned that it all can heal, it might take a really, really long time. But it can and it will and it will be stronger than before.

But the good news is, 

I’ve grown and became a better person in 2017. I’ve matured massively and I’ve shown myself how much better I can be. Another life lesson that I’ve learned a lot this year, is that I enjoyed my alone time more. Don’t get me wrong, I love people. I love hanging out and seeing people all the time but I also love separating myself to recharge. Whether it’s walking around an amusement park by myself, sitting on the dock at the lake, putting my hammock up at camp, listening to music around campus, going on a bike ride alone or even just sitting in bed. I’ve learned to be more comfortable by myself this year. I’ve also realized the people I want in my life and who really wants to be in mine. I’ve realized that I need to surround myself with people who bring out the happiness in me, it’s that simple. I visted Camp 5 separate times this year… February, twice in August, October & November!

I’ve finally learned how to trust new people that came into my life this year, which it really took me a while to learn this one. And I finally found a way to be happy again, oh I missed that. I’ve learned that some people I’ve known for such a short amount of time can want better for me than anyone I’ve known for years, in many different situations. Because of that… I made some of my best friends this year, in many different places of my life that I hope to have for years to come! And wow am I so thankful for all of them. I’ve learned to turn towards my wide group of friends more and more everyday, they are such a wonderful gift from God, that I do not deserve.

I’ve been through crazy experiences and gone on adventures I’ve never thought I’d ever get to do (and got the best pictures for insta while doing so!). I’ve been to unbelievable places and loved every second of it!  This year, I’ve held my friends hands tight while learning how rollerblade, closed my eyes while on scary rollercoasters, threw up on the way home from Cedar Point (it sucked then but is hilarious now!), slept in tent, got a weird sunburn on my face from falling asleep on the beach, laughed in a hotel room with The Crew, walked the streets of DC on a cold January weekend, ran away from the zombies in Zombie Tag,  shopped in the hot Ann Arbor summer heat with my aunt, watched the Solar Eclipse from the lake house, went to 2 amazing concerts!, made new friends I felt like I have known my whole life and stayed up until unbelievable hours of the night, discovered new restaurants and stores, spent weeks at the lake, met up with Chris and Pip at Chipotle a bunch;  I just love how God has us 3 in the same place during this season of our lives, I also taught myself how to save more money in a way this year and that every penny counts, I ate way too much ice cream, became a  counselor and a cabin leader in Freshman Camp, went on many amazing day trips and even got to see my best friends get married and so much more. 

These are just some of the perfect memories I’ve had in this year,

2017 wasn’t all bad.

The best part and the only part that really matters is I fell back on Jesus more in 2017 and He listened to all my prayers that ended in my pillow being stained with tears. I have totally strengthened my faith this year and that is something I am so proud of. He has given me people that show me His unending love and forgiveness each minute of every day and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Lord in 2018, I pray to become a better sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter and friend.

and in the end, that I become better at following You.

This year has been mostly stressful, lonely and confusing but oh wow, my God is none of those things. 

He’s strong, mighty and lovely. 

He’s better in the hills and braver in the valleys, I promise.

He’s the reason why I’m still smiling.

life update 11/10/17

Hey friends!

UPDATE:

Wow, this semester has really flown by! UT is now on a shorter semester schedule, so many of the class times and course schedules have changed as well.

It is hard to believe that it is already November, and that December and finals will be here before I know it! This semester has been filled with many bumps along the way but I have come to this point stronger than ever. hills and valleys, people!

I have been meeting up with Chris & Pip for dinner about once a month or so near campus. How cool is it that God has us in, pretty much, the exact same area in this season of our lives!

I have been trying to get more involved with The Catholic Student Association on campus this semester. I attended Girls Night where we learned how to paint a beautiful fall tree and I have been going to the general meetings as well. I would love to really get to know even more people in CSA.

Freshmen Camp is in full swing like always at this time of the year with mandatory Thursday night meetings. At meeting last night, we had our annual Friendsgiving meal. If you don’t already know, I have stepped up in the University YMCA and Freshmen Camp programs this year… I am now the Christian Emphasis Coordinator and I give a little devotional speech before each meeting, it is a nice way to start meeting every week and bring people together. Taking on this role on Cabinet for the UY also consists of office hours in our UY house. During office hours, I clean the house, work on my devotional for the week, homework and anything else I need to get done. 

Next weekend, we are trying something new for Fall Retreat and going up to Camp Storer for a night. We are going to do some volunteer service work around camp to work off our stays there throughout the year. I am really looking forward to it! That will be my 9th time at camp in 9 years:)

I am also taking a huge step into being a level 2 Freshmen Camp Counselor, facilitating more and learning as much as I possibly can… (so please pray for all of  that!)

A few more things:

•I’m scheduling classes for next semester so that’s exciting!

•Babysitting, working and going to college creates a very busy schedule for me! 

•God has been really teaching me patience in all aspects of my life, recently. 

•I have been LOVING to post on my blog and get my thoughts out there.

•I am excited for thanksgiving soon and getting a couple days off!

•I have a huge trip to my favorite place EVER with my favorite people EVER, lined up for about 2 months from now and I can’t possibly wait!!

I’m sure there’s a ton more but… Any and all thoughts and prayers are more than welcomed in the coming weeks as this semester is ending! 

Thanks to all my family and friends for sticking by me and encouraging me along the way! Have a great day :)

still trying…

im not good at telling stories. I’m so easily distracted it’s not even funny. i'm a messy eater. half the time i don't make sense. i lose track of time easily. i leave the tv on. i'm unsure about every decision i make. I’m on my phone for too long.  i always forget to bring dishes from my room. i don't reply to messages for days. I suck at a lot of things and sometimes i just want to stay in bed all day and throw my phone across the room. i engage in conversations i have no interest in. i sometimes don’t think before i speak and I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no clue why I’m in college.  I trust people too easily but then sometimes i don’t trust them enough. I hide things from my friends even though I know they will always be there for me. I always think I’ll just figure it out when the time comes without actually doing something about it when i can. I feel like God is so far away. 

I am broken and lost and confused in life. 

i care more about the opinions of others than my opinion of myself. 

i'm still trying to figure myself out. i'm trying to acknowledge the not so obvious and not so appealing traits about myself. not for any reason. just trying to get to know myself a little better.

what it’s like when your dad works from home…

so long story,

February 2010. My mom, sister and I are at home. Dad went to work just like normal. Dad calls (which isn’t unusual). Except it wasn’t Dad. It was one of his coworkers. My dad broke his leg. And it’s bad. He twisted it in plastic wrap while working and fell. They are rushing him to the hospital. Meet him there. My dad has never broken a bone in his body.

I’ve never seen my mom drive so fast. Immediately, he was pushed in the doors on the stretcher. soon to find out Dad broke both bones in his leg. emergency surgery. immediate tears. 

a rod is put in his leg and multiple screws at his knee and ankle. I’ve never seen my dad in so much pain before.

He was so upset this happened. multiple nights in the hospital. we were so scared.

finally he gets to come home. which was followed by countless days with his leg in a cast, having to keep it elevated. lots of meals and long nights were spent in his lazy-boy chair. months later, I remember the day they said he could finally put weight on it. crutches and walkers and canes were a normal thing in my house during that time. he can’t run at all anymore. and he can’t walk long distances. 

the doctor said he needs to get the strength back in his leg, he suggested going on a bike ride if he thinks it was healed enough. 

that’s what sparked my dad’s obsession with old bicycles…

from that point forward, hundreds of bikes have came through our barn out back and basement. my dad buys them at a cheap price, fixes them up to the best it can be and resells it. any bike. any age. any condition. he will trade pieces and parts and clean the bike up to look brand new. 

he goes to bicycle shows, swap meets, estate sales, garage sales, old pull barns just about anywhere he thinks he could find an old bicycle. 

my dad does it all and on top of all of this he still works a 40+ hour work week. 

Isn't he the coolest? 

here’s a small glimpse as to what it’s like having a “bicycle shop” out of our house:

•it’s not an unusual thing to come home to 3 to 5 bicycles in the front yard for sale

•when someone pulls in the driveway, we automatically know to yell “Dad! Someone’s here for a bike!” it’s a normal saying around the house these days

•it’s also not an unusual thing to come home to some person in our driveway talking to my dad about bikes or him giving us a 5 minute warning that someone is coming over to look 

•my dad is usually texting or calling people who want to make a deal on a bicycle

•my sister and I are always making signs with how much money my dad wants to get from each bike $$

•he will buy a bike from a garage sale down the street, make me ride it home, clean it up and put it by the road and make a profit

•he once saw my friend riding an old bicycle from when my dad was a kid he tracked him down and asked to buy it from him 

(he did. it’s in the basement.)

•he’s known as “the bicycle guy” around town

•it’s “you got a bike you’re getting rid of? I’ll send whoever I can to pick it up!”

•it’s having to run outside in the pouring down rain to get a bicycle that someone is coming to buy soon

•it’s taking multiple pictures and editing them multiple ways of each bike he has

•it’s getting out of the shower and being surprised that my dad sold a bike within the time I was in there

•it’s going on bike rides around town with my dad  riding a new bike each time

•it’s people saying nice bike. all. the. time.

•it’s all hands on deck when it’s garage sale day around here

•it’s getting a phone call (or just coming home to) and it’s my dad asking can he sell MY bike… 

(wasn’t very happy about that one, but he said he’d save the money for my books for college)

•it’s having my dad scroll through my Facebook just looking for a good deal on a bike someone must have posted

•it’s looking for free bikes along side of the road. doesn’t matter the vehicle we are in. he will make it work. (even if it means taking them apart, loading them in my little car. the trunk didn’t shut. probably not good. we always get the bikes though.)

•it’s driving anywhere and seeing a bike for sale along side of the road and telling my dad and he says “get in the car! let’s go see if it’s still there!”

•it’s taking a Father’s Day trip to the Bicycle Museum of America (it was really fun trip!)

•it’s when me or someone in town is having a problem with their bike, they bring it to my dad. 

my dad simply does it all. If you need anything, my dad can do it. (or he knows someone who can!) my dad is awesome and I am so grateful for him and his hardworking and adventurous personality!

I love you Dad, thank you for everything! 

Every good and perfect thing is from Above James 1 17

in fields of flowers, in the farmer’s fields of corn or soybeans, fields of pumpkins, fields of grass

in anything really…

there’s bound to be a flower, a corn stalk, a soybean plant, a pumpkin, or a patch of grass that is almost dead, there might be a little bit of life left to it but one out of the thousands probably won’t grow as it’s supposed to, wont be the prettiest or what society considers “the best” and that is sadly true amongst humans as well. unfortunately, I have felt like those almost dead, no good, pushed aside, not cared for plants. sounds crazy but I think those were the ones surrounded by the “popular” plants. the barely holding on, colorless flowers were the ones bullied by others, called names, and just so sad and upset. maybe these were the ones that came home crying to their parents about how rude people are. maybe these were the ones who can barely hold on anymore and just looking for some kind of light to hold onto.

I’ve felt like this. I’ve felt like a plant with no sun, can’t grow or go anywhere. 

I’ve felt like a person who is stuck in one place mentally for years, not able to expand into anything more. 

I honestly believe if it wasn’t for my wonderful God giving me friends who basically saved me from all the hurt, all the lies and all the struggle emotionally I really truly wouldn’t be the person I am today. I would be in that same place, lost, confused sad and not growing one bit.

My friends changed me for the better. I am and will forever be eternally grateful for The Crew. They love like Jesus does and I hope to laugh with them forever. They are the most special thing to me and I never want that to end.

I guess I have never came out and actually told the story of how I met The Crew.

The story goes like this… (not going to say names, & I am currently a sophomore in college)

The summer before my junior year of high school, young college kids from my church started a youth group. some older members of 2 pretty big families at my church ran it. I started going and became friends with them just a little bit. I knew of them from church and events around town, but I never actually hung out with them before this. So when junior year came around, I still went to the youth groups but I didn’t start hanging out with them until this happened to me…

There was this girl I met when I went to the public high school after 9 years of Catholic education. We became friends almost immediately… we liked the same songs , were in some of the same classes and sat at the same lunch table. We hung out a lot, we watched movies in her basement, we went shopping together, I became friends with her family and she knew mine.

So our junior year of high school happened and she went to another school and I could just feel that something would happen between us. 

And no matter how long I thought about it I could have never been prepared myself for what was next. 

I remember it like it was yesterday,

every detail of that horrible day.

April of 2015…

I walked over to say goodbye to her as she was talking to some of our other friends and I heard her say “my boyfriend this… and my boyfriend that… blah blah blah” but in the weeks prior to this, her parents said no to this guy she was dating because he was in and out of drugs, came from a rough home life and just had a hard life in general. remember; to this day I haven’t met him and yes I realize that I could have done this so much differently but I said “wait what? you don’t have a boyfriend. your parents said no.” I was honestly just trying to protect her from hurting from not being able to be with him. she screamed at me that morning saying how unsupportive I was of her decisions. how bad of a person I was and how I will never get anywhere in life. she left me horrible voicemails, sent me paragraphs about how terrible I was and always will be. she sent me things no one should ever have to read. I was shocked. I had no words. I tried to push it out of my mind so fast.

How could a friend of mine like that change so quickly? How could she say all these bad things about me? 

I ran to The Crew after this happened and they have assured me (plenty of times) that I’m worth it. That real friends are forever and will never do anything to hurt me.  That all those things she told me were just lies and none of it was true. They have never once asked me to change. Never once spoke one mean word to me. They look out for me and go out of their way for me. They have always accepted me for me. my broken, confused, lonely and messy self. They reassure me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made by Our Creator. I have never experienced this before. All the people I have met have been full of rumors and negativity. They aren’t… they have nothing but good in their hearts.

The summer after my junior year I went to Buckeye Girls State and was shown first hand… this is how girls are really supposed to be; supportive of each other through it all. 

Through this and everything since, The Crew has showed me nothing but love for me. They show me how real friends act every single day. They have taken me on adventures since day 1 and I have the best time of my life with them. I trust them more than I have ever trusted anyone before. They accept me, care for me and push me closer to our ultimate goal of Heaven. All the time I ask God, “What? Me? No way! What did I do to deserve these awesome people???” He says I do in every way. I would have never thought I was the kind of person who God would do this to. He gave me friends that will do anything for me and I can’t say Thank You enough. I am so thankful to our most gracious God for giving me The Crew. There was a lot more that went into this all and a lot of hurt that came out of it. 

But Today, I am proud to say that I am a beautiful flower reaching high to the sky, with my hands up open wide, praising Jesus thanking Him for The Crew. Now, I am a totally different person. I am in a much better place because of The Crew. I have changed for the better, grown more that I could have ever thought and made real true and honest friends that my family adores. There is never enough time I could spend with them.

I could have never imagined this is how my life would play out. I am now the tallest flower, and I have grown tremendously since that day. 

“Every good and perfect thing is from Above.” -James 1:17

I wish I lived on campus…

If you knew me at this time last year, I was absolutely begging to live on campus. I would say it on any down time I had. I thought that was the solution to all my problems. It was my phrase instead of screaming "I HATE COLLEGE!" and running away I'd say "I wish I lived on campus! That'd make everything easier." 

And it would. 

I would get better grades because I would have resources right there for me to access. I wouldn't have to walk in the dark to my car. I wouldn't have to get into a blistering hot car in the summer after a long day of classes or a freezing car in the winter after walking across campus in the snow. I'd be earlier to my classes and less stressed. And most importantly, I wouldn't have to drive 35 minutes one way, to get to school. 

And the list goes on and on forever. 

But honestly, I love commuting.

Because if I didn't commute…

I'd miss out on staying at my aunts house since she lives so close to campus. I'd miss out on when the family wants to go on a quick trip somewhere, I'd miss out on talks on the back deck mostly every night. I'd miss out on playing the backyard baseball games that happen a lot around here. I'd miss out on picking my sister up from school and going to get ice cream after words. offer.  I wouldn't have any problems with my roommate because my sister is the only roommate I've ever known (since she was born) and if I'm being honest, I'd miss out on that too. I'd miss out on Saturday morning breakfast at The Charm. And the annual Christmas parade. I'd miss out on bike rides with my dad and sister around town. And going up to the park to hammock. I'd miss out on every little thing that this small town has to offer. 

I really enjoy spending time at home with my neighbor kids and all my family members! I love snuggling up in my own bed every night and having a home cooked meal to come home to. 

On campus, I have access to my car whenever I want. I can go home when I feel like it and don't have to plan it out for just the weekend. I get to drive my friends around and get to run errands when I'm done with class because I'm in the city. 

Yes, even after I post this I'm sure you'll here me complain about commuting… but it's really a blessing to live within commuting distance of my school!!

finding my calling...

“Mom, what should I dress up like for career day?” I asked in 5th grade. My mom and I must have gone through at least 50 different jobs that day after school and of course I said no to all of them. What about a hairstylist? Um, No. What about a grade school teacher? How about no. What about a nurse, an interior designer or a lawyer? Definitely not! What about a chef? “Mom, I’m so bad at cooking.” I said. “But, they will teach you!” None of these future jobs sounded up my alley at all. My mom asked finally, after so many choices, “Well, what about a TV Reporter?” You see my mom calls me “411” because I always like to know all the information in town, at school, at home and just about everywhere! I don’t remember the exact conversation, if I even said yes right away or if I was a bit stubborn about it but (you could bet on that). I soon found myself in a nice shirt, sweater and a black skirt standing in the classroom as a TV Reporter. The week before career day came around my dad and I made a microphone out of scrap paper and cardboard. We printed out a logo from the show, Entertainment Tonight and glued it to our DIY microphone and this all felt great to me. In class that day, we had to go around the classroom introducing ourselves and our dream jobs to the other students. I walked around the classroom, microphone in hand, and in that moment I finally knew this was my calling and what I wanted to do with my life! I was so excited!

I was then and still am now prepared to take any steps I need to get to achieve my goal. This job is perfect for me because I love talking to people some might say I will talk to anyone! When I got to college I found my dream major which is Media Communications. I started to meet professors and instructors in the Communication department and little by little my dream was starting to take hold even before my first day of college! On my orientation day, my mom and I got a tour of the UT 10 news studio. It was so cool to look around at the different sets, classrooms and computers that make it all happen. An interesting and neat thing I learned that day was that the Communication students can sign out video cameras to shoot their own projects for their classes. Also the communication students can come into the studio at any time of the day and work with the video editing software on the University’s computers. I am so looking forward to the day I am able to get in the studio and explore but most of all I can’t wait to get in front of the camera and tell everyone all the information I know. I really enjoy the classes at UT that I am required to take and the TV studio on campus is an amazing place to me. My major focuses in Broadcasting, working behind the camera and working online. I will also learn more about social media which I have a huge passion for. My parents think that my phone is just an extension of my actual hand.

People always ask me what my dream job would be after I graduate with a Media Communications degree from The University Of Toledo and I say anything in broadcasting especially in front of the camera! I would be happy with being a TV Reporter or working at a news station behind the camera at least to start. I would also love to run a company’s social media account or even get paid to blog for a company. I am open to any of these career options as long as I get a good paycheck and can live my dream of becoming famous! To start my job off I am very interested in working at 13 ABC Action News in Toledo, Ohio. It would be great to start there and work my way up in the industry. Eventually I would like to work in New York City or Los Angeles, California these are two places I have actually never been.  I would like to work in either New York or Los Angeles because I believe there are more job opportunities at TV studios and media companies in the bigger cities. This has been a dream for me ever since I was in that 5th grade classroom. I am just a small town girl with big city dreams!

What If I Told You…

today my sister and I were listening to the radio and "What If I Told You" by Darius Rucker came on and I just started crying. That song means so much to me because it perfectly describes my relationship with The Crew. It took me my whole life to find Godly  friends and I can honestly say it was so worth the wait. Even though, It took me my whole life to find good, true friends but the weird thing is, I've known them my whole life. I don't remember how exactly I met each one of them, it wasn't a formal "Hi, what's your name?" and a hand shake. It's just I've known of them ever since I was little, from seeing them at church. It took me so long to find the people who were already there. 

I would come home from school in tears, from being bullied, being made fun of, kicked out of a lunch table and you name it, it probably happened to me. I've always prayed for real friends. 

But God tripled and even quadrupled my request for friends. I thought I might have 2 or 3 close friends by now in my life but God said nah I've got bigger plans for you. God put so many amazing friends in my life, when we go see movies there's like 20 of us and we take up the whole row in the theater.  When we have game nights, it's so loud but my heart is so full. When a movie is playing, there is no room left on the couch and everyone is fighting for pillows!! When we play backyard volleyball, there so many people on each side. 

It's such an amazing feeling to have friends that will do anything with you.

The second verse of the song starts with "What if I told you sometimes I lose my faith?

I wonder why someone like you would even talk to me." Sometimes I do lose my faith, it's true. When that happens, I wonder why they still talk to me. Why would they talk to me? I'm not perfect at all, but Hey! they don't care. They know I'm not perfect but chose to be my friend anyways. "What if I told you there's no fixing me cause everybody's already tried" They love me anyways. They bring me closer to our God each and everyday. I have never, ever had anyone who loved me that much to push me closer to our Creator. They love me and look past my broken pieces and my messy past. 

The next part of the song goes, 

"If I told you all the stupid things I've done,

I'd blamed on being young…
But I was old enough to know, I know" 

I have done so many stupid things and shared so many stupid stories with them. But, they look right past that and are still friends with me. Friends are forever, no matter what. 

"What if I told you I don't plan on staying here? My dreams are a million miles away

And I know your family's gonna want you to stay…

You know what? 

I don't blame them."

Don't get me wrong, I really love our small little town with all my heart but my dreams are sooo far away. In a big city, with lots of job opportunities and more experiences and more things to see and do. I know that their family will always be here and no matter where I am or how long I am gone. Nothing will change between us. 

I am so thankful for my wonderful friends. The people that are full of adventure and spontaneity and laughs and movies and backyard volleyball and sunsets. I have had so many crazy fun experiences with them that I wouldn't change for the world. 

what I've learned this summer… '17

With school right around the corner and less than 2 weeks left of summer, I thought I should write. I have learned a lot this summer… I have learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back to the way they were before. 

These past 4 months (and 2 days… but who's counting?), I've learned a lot about myself & grown into a much stronger person because of it. I've learned to love, smile and be happy again. 

I've learned to let go and experience life for myself and how I want to without chasing anyone else around. I've learned how to camp in a tent for a weekend and how to force myself into crazy adventures that might scare me at first, but I learned to love them in the end.  I've learned to step up into my role as a Freshman Camp counselor and give back to the organization that has done so much for me in the past year. I've learned that I can do anything I set my mind to. I've learned how to save money and not spend it the second I get it. I've learned that waiting is so much better than jumping into anything. I've learned to be alone and be comfortable in the silence. I've learned that I need to be better for myself, my God, my future… 

I've learned to turn towards Jesus and put it all in His hands. I've learned to stop worrying & stop caring about other people who don't care about me. I've learned new songs that can just simply be new songs & not remind me of anyone or anything. I've learned that things change & people change and that's okay. I've learned (well mostly convinced myself) that it's okay to unfriend people you don't talk to anymore. It doesn't mean you try to cover up the past it just means that you move on and are thankful for the memories. I've learned that no matter how bad it seems now, life goes on. I've learned (and taught myself) how to heal. I've taught myself that it's okay to grieve the loss of someone still living as long as you don't stay there. Tomorrow will be better and you will come out stronger from this. I've learned that "making a living" isn't the same as "making a life". No matter how cliche it sounds… you are only young once. You are only able to do somethings now at your age so why don't you?! Take off 3 weekends from work to go camping with your friends & go to FC. You'll remember the moments and the people and the laughs more than you will the small amount of money you make. 

Another thing that I've learned about myself this summer, is that I might have to do everything alone. I might not have the important people supporting my decisions. I chose to be a camp counselor because I love it. Because I wanted to give back. Because I wanted to help the freshman make those new friendships that I got to make. Maybe those people in my life didn't care for it, but I did and that's all that matters.

I've lost myself and then found myself all over again. I've learned to move forward from the past. I've learned to love myself more. I've learned that everything can & will change. I've learned to not let late nights consume me, and not to worry about anything; it can be fixed in the morning. I've learned to be kind to myself, because sometimes I only have me. I've learned that some broken things stay broken for a long time and I've learned that I can get through bad times and look forward to better times as long as I have the people who love me.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, forget what you did but never forget how you made them feel. I've learned that I'm smarter than I give myself credit for and stronger than I ever thought possible.

 But most importantly, I've learned to be free… I learned to be independent and love life again.  

And in the end all I learned was how to be strong alone. 

God's masterpieces

in the mood to do some writing… 

look what God painted on the sky & in my heart tonight… 

I was thinking about the sunset as I was looking at it 
on my drive home tonight, so blessed that God creates 
a beautiful masterpiece day in & day out like a sunset 
for us to look at, I just don't know who would see a gorgeous sunset & not thank God for it. (which is something I always do!) but when I was also thinking of that, 
I thought of the other clouds in the sky at the same time as the sunset. 
everyone stares at the sunset & admires that and thinks how awesome of a job God 
did on it. But they don't look at the other clouds in the sky. They don't turn around 
and face the other direction than the sunset and see those clouds. 
(Like the clouds in the right of this picture) They don't admire that God created those too and they are all apart of the picture. It's kind of like people you meet, 
there might be one person or even a group of people that others look up to, 
the "populars" and think they are the best and are truly shining. 
But the general public doesn't even acknowledge that there are other people 
just as good out there, maybe different and not always apart of the main group… 
but didn't God create those too? 
Didn't God make them who they were too? 
you might just have to look around to see them & take your eyes off the main focus (or the main group of people taking center stage). 
God made all things beautiful. 

This might make no sense to anyone but God put that on my heart tonight 
so I hope you take a few minutes to look around and realize that God created all things in His image. 
so thankful for sunsets that show me all Gods creation every night❤️

But most importantly, do it for your own self.

Go ahead and do it.

Do it for your God.

Do it for your future little.

Do it for all the jobs you will get.

Do it for the experiences.

Do it for the opportunities.

Do it for the education.

Do it for your family.

Do it for your future family.

Do it for your future family's lake house you want.

Do it for your friends.

Do it for all the people you will soon meet. 

Do it because it's your passion.

Do it to succeed.

Do it for all the money you will make.

Do it to get out of this small town.

Do it for the kids that look up to you.

Do it to be happy.

Do it to prove it.

Do it because everyone knows you can.

Do it for everyone you've ever met.

Do it for your campers, this year and your campers in the years to come.

Do it because no one else did.

Do it to say Yup, I did it.

Do it to graduate.

But most importantly,

Do it for your own self.

Tips & Tricks for Freshman Year of College:

Yes, you graduated high school! Finally you aren't stuck in one building all day not breathing fresh air for hours anymore! You are off to the real world and for some of you that might just mean college! If you have college in your future, here are some tips and tricks to help you out…

•Just when you thought you were the big fish in the pond you are now the smallest little minnow fish on a huge college campus. If you're like me, I went from graduating from a small school with 82 in my class to stepping onto a college campus 35 minutes away from my house with 20,000 new strangers. I was lost. Completely lost. I didn't know where my next class was and I still don't know how I manage to walk clear across campus in the 5 minute time slot I have between classes. 

•What has helped me most is to get involved!! That is a huge one to me! Show up to events, no matter how busy you are. Show up, have fun, meet new people. It can never hurt. Yeah, you can go to the free ice cream event even if you will be a few short minutes late to class. Yeah, you can go to the Zumba event even if you are a horrible dancer. Go and make memories! Yeah, you can do what you want. Join clubs!! Meet friends!! These are the people you will hopefully be close with the rest of college or even the rest of your lives! Freshman year is hard but getting involved will help you through the adjustment period!

•Talk to people in your classes!

This may sound like the typical advice everyone in the world tells you but I promise it helps! For example, the night before my third day of college, my math professor emailed and said have 2 other partners to work together with tomorrow morning. I of course, read the email and ignored it because I didn't know anyone in class and that was unlike me. So I walk into class that day, take a seat in the front row and read the board. Once again, it said have 2 other partners. I turned around to look at rest of the lecture hall I was in and I saw 2 girls sitting alone and I asked if I could sit with them. I didn't know that day but those girls turned into some of my best friends, one of the best decisions of my college career so far!!! One of the girls was from a town about 20 minutes from my house and we had a lot in common and the other girl was from Thailand, still learning the English language. We also became close with the group behind us, they were so fun to be around and we always had help when we needed it! 

•Don't spend too much money (or at least be careful with how much you are spending)

I'm a commuter so I don't have a meal plan on campus, I just have to put money on my student ID to eat on campus. I usually only have to eat lunch there when I have breaks in between. That money can add up quickly. I try to find the best deal I can get with any of the restaurants my college offers. Including a salad bar, a burrito place, Magic Wok and Subway. My college also offers Starbucks and a different smaller coffee shop. I'm a sucker for Starbucks' Strawberry Acai Refresher with Lemonade (It's kind of hard for me to pass up), because I'm not much of a coffee person. 

What I've learned this year is, that drink can just be a treat it doesn't have to be an everyday thing. This will help on keeping yourself a little bit healthier and not spending $5 on a drink everyday or every time you are craving it. 

Those are just some of my tips and tricks for your first year on campus!! Wishing you all a happy, safe and fun Freshman Year and hope these tips helped!!! :)

on the lake

With lake house season coming into view and Memorial Day Weekend even closer, I thought I would dedicate a blog post to those of us fortunate enough to spend our summers at a lake house. 

We all have different experiences at our lake houses, some may include all of your extended family, some may be a place you live all summer, and some may be a safe haven where you can just sit back and relax, but all of us understand these things:

You have traditions for the drive up.

Every time you drive up to your lake house, you have traditions that you have set to make the drive go by faster. Whether it is stopping at your favorite McDonald's with the best iced coffee you've ever had or driving through an area with the most gorgeous houses you've ever seen, or you always stop at the same dollar store for snacks to get you through the rest of the drive or if you're like me and my sister we always mute the radio and scream "I-N-D-I-A-N-A that's Indiana!" when we pass over the state line. You always have things to look forward to while driving up. 

You have lake friends that you can't wait to see all winter. 

There's nothing like having lake friends to look forward to the whole school year. While you don't talk 24/7, seeing them reminds you of summer, and you love it. Nothing beats a day out on the water with some of your favorite lake neighbors.

Your friends beg you to take them. 

You constantly have to hear your friends begging you to take them up to your lake house, and if you do, and it's 100 times more fun being able to show someone around and let them experience the fun that you get to have all summer.

You've been able to drive a boat since you were 10.

Or even before… Yeah, maybe you never officially got your boating license, but you've been driving boats like a pro since you were a kid.

Swimming with fish doesn't even phase you.

Unless you're my sister, then you still panic every single time seaweed or the smallest fish touches the bottom of your toes.

You've gotten your worst sunburn ever there.

You still remember that one time when your everyone told you to put on sunscreen, but instead you didn't listen and stayed in the pool for 4 hours with your friends. Somehow the UV rays were the strongest they've ever been that day, and you had to walk into the cookout that night in red-skinned shame and couldn't sleep that night. You didn't let anyone touch you at all, it hurt so bad.

There's nowhere else that relaxes you as much as your lake house. 

Whether it be a stressful week or not, coming to the lake house and sitting on the deck is an instant relaxer. Even just smelling the lake air gives you a calming feeling. There is nothing better than laying out, blasting music while on the boat or swimming around all day.

You get super close with your family. 

You get to spend quality time with your grandparents and sleep right next to your sister. A lake house is the perfect way to bring your family close together. 

You know all the best spots on the lake. 

You know where the fresh water stream is and it's always colder over there and with your eyes closed you could probably drive the boat to your favorite place to anchor the boat and jump off of. You even know your favorite houses to look at along the lake and the parts where you can see cool animals, like snapping turtles. You probably know the lake like the back of your hand and you know you could never get lost even if you tried.

The townies intrigue you. 

The people that live in town are always the absolute nicest group of people. They are always the first to say hello in passing and constantly have smiles on their faces; but who wouldn't when living in such a beautiful place near so many bodies of water? You're always jealous of their lives and wonder what it must be like to be on the lake whenever you want. 

Water activities are your favorite past time. 

Tubing, relaxing on the pontoon and even just jumping off the dock are the best times of the summer and have been your favorite activities since you were a kid. You'd do anything to be floating on the lake right now. Summer can't come soon enough while you imagine long days of being on the water.

You have your summer lake house "foods". 

Absolutely nothing beats fresh corn on the cob or a grilled cheeseburger with extra pickles, and I look forward to it all year. You love roasting hot dogs over the fire and the day wouldn't be complete if you didn't finish it with a s'more at the end of the night! Everyone has those summer lake house foods that you really only eat while up at the lake and that makes it even more enjoyable.

Nothing beats a campfire at the end of the day.

Friends gather around and bring chairs and treats and blankets and sit around the fire and we all just share stories and pictures and memories from the last time we saw each other. Those are some of the best times!

You know your favorite local restaurants whenever you want to eat out.

When you finally get to go to the restaurant famous for its potato salad, or the one with the awesome pretzels or the best chicken fajitas in town, you know this is what you have been waiting for all winter! You can't forget to get donuts in your pajamas the next morning! While at the lake, you try to only eat at local restaurants you can't get back home.

All your favorite memories are spending time at the lake. 

There are no better memories than the ones you've made while up at the lake. And so many of your memories growing up are at the lake. Life is truly better at the lake and that is where your happiness lies. Spending time  with your family is priceless, learning skills like swimming and boating are things that you'll keep with you forever, and all the laughs and time spent with your favorite people are ones you'll never forget. You hope that one day you can bring your own kids up to your lake house and give them the experiences that you valued your whole life up at the lake. I am extremely blessed to have grown up on such a beautiful lake, an awesome community and I have the best grandparents around! 

here's to freshman year!

well here I am sitting in rocket hall, and I just got done with my last exam of freshman year!

(and no I don't need to come next week!!!) 

as I look back on this past year, it's been full of highs & lows. full of new experiences, full of memories I will never forget. 

freshman year, you were hard. 

and sometimes, you were lonely. 

you were confusing. 

I sadly lost some friends but I've gained so many more. 

but freshman year, you were amazing. 

you were full of new friends. 

you were full of Gods love for me. 

ultimately, you were good.

this year has changed my life for the better. 

I got to go to places I would never imagine I would be at. and I got to become best friends with complete strangers & I now I couldn't see my life without them. 

I got to be on the PINK Toledo campus team all of my freshman year!!! what? that was a dream come true! I got to become friends with Judy & Lindsay, my awesome reps and honestly, they got me through a lot. I would be  lying if I said I won't cry when they graduate. I received campus team member of the month in March! 

I attended the first weekend of Freshman Camp 2016 and met friends that I have kept all year. They are honestly some of the best people ever! 

And a few months later, I had the awesome opportunity being a Freshman Camp counselor. and I also got awarded member of the month in February. this is organization is so amazing and I can't possibly wait to meet my campers this summer!! training since last September is going to pay off when I get to see them for the  very first time!! 

I got jimmy johns with Hanna, way too many times and I got to see Kaleigh get engaged! and I showed my friend, Saranlak, from Thailand, around my hometown.

I hung out with The Crew a bunch, I love spending time with them!! I am so thankful God put them in my life. I got to go to Washington DC with The best Crew around!! What the heck, God is so good!I am so glad they are pro-life and I loved taking the trip to The March for Life with them! While I was in DC, I got to visit with my friend Annie who goes to school out there. They love me like Jesus does. They assured me (many, many times) that nothing, no matter how embarrassing or stupid I am, nothing will ever change between us. They showed me that true friends will always be there for me, through the good and the bad.

I got to celebrate with Christy at her bridal shower and got to meet with Mike in the student union every week!

My family and I took an awesome trip to Dayton and while I was there I got to visit with my friend Lex. 

I became close with my twin in the UY, Betsy and we went to a concert together! she is such a great friend!!

I had the opportunity to give the witness talk at ignite and I am so glad I did!

I interviewed for a huge company that I have loved forever!

I took on an internship (for class credit) through Tribe21 as their social media editor!!!

don't let anyone tell you commuting doesn't suck. it does. a lot. 

This year, I drank too many smoothies and put a lot of miles on my car but I would so do this year over if I could! 

never would I have ever thought, my first year of college would play out like this. 

But, oh man! I am so thankful it did.

when I walked on to campus my first day, I was lost. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know how I was gonna get through all that was piled on me.  

but I'm so glad I did. I survived freshman year!

I have had new friends from here at UT and old friends from back home supporting me in amazing ways.

But this year I was sure of one thing, God is in Toledo and He totally moves in Toledo!!

I can't stop smiling because I never thought this day would come.

this year I have gotten so much more comfortable with Toledo and I love calling this place home💙🚀

here's to 3 more years of being a Rocket and man do I love it! 😊

happy summer! summer '17 please be good to me❤️

to my best guy friend…

To my Best Guy Friend,

I know I don’t say it a lot, because it’s soo much more fun to mess with you, but I do love you. Don’t freak out, I’m not talking like that. I mean that you’re my best friend, and I love you for sticking around for this long. Somehow you did through all the crap we've been through, and I couldn’t be luckier. You have been my friend since kindergarten and now we are a year out of high school. That's the longest friendship we both have had. After all these years, I feel like it’s time to finally let you know how blessed I am to have you. And I’m sorry that sometimes I don’t show it, but really, when all else fails, you’re the one I turn to. I want to let you know how thankful I am that you came into my life.

Thank you for letting me pick up all your broken pieces. And picking up mine. Thank you for texting me when you knew I was walking alone at night and keeping me up late sending me a million emojis.You’ve kept me sane and I’ve kept you honest. We have a weird language between each other and we always call each other old people.  We just "wing it" together and that's my favorite memories of us.

I know we get crap from everyone we know for being friends for so long but they just don’t understand how we could care about each other as best friends.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep you around because honestly, you’re kind of a jerk. But you're my jerk. And while I’ll admit that it’s not exactly easy putting up with me, I also know that I have to put up with you, so that pretty much makes us even. Like when you don't text back for hours on end!!

Thank you for endless laughter. Whenever I’m in a bad mood, rather than having me talk it out, you try to make me feel better- usually with your stupid jokes. You always know the right thing to say to put a smile on my face and to make my stomach hurt from laughter. You are the only person I have ever had a snapchat streak with (no matter now many times we loose it). 

Thanks for making me feel like my advice and opinion matter. That girl is gross, by the way, you should stop talking to her, is what I always said to you in high school. Thank you for being my go-to when I feel like no one else would listen about my problems, and for listening to me even though I’m really really repetitive. Thanks for agreeing to sit in rocking chairs with me when we're 80. Thanks for being so alike. We know a lot about each other and I wouldn't want to change it. And thank you for keeping -all my secrets…you were the one I texted when I was crying after getting made fun of in school, & it really is very much appreciated.

Thank you for being there at all hours of the day. Sometimes when it seems like no one cares, you always make a point to show that you do. I’m afraid to bother other people with my problems, but you’re always more than willing to talk to me. You rationalize everything I say and talk sense into me when I’m being ridiculous. 

Thank you for your constant positivity. You’ve never had a terrible outlook on life, even when nothing is going your way. It’s a reminder for me to stay strong when things aren’t looking too great because the storm will always pass. We’ve been through so many holidays, life events and bumps in the road as best friends but you have always been there for me. 

So here’s to you: my best guy friend. I truly do value our friendship. Here’s to many more years of calling each other out on the crap we get in to but not wanting to get in it with anyone else and proving that there is a way for guys and girls to truly be best friends.

From,

Your Best Girl Friend