...changes lives (for class)

Life has an amazing way of working out just before you thought it never would. 

Flashback to April of Junior Year. 

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was being over the top and people around me couldn't handle it. 

I was supposed to be more than happy. I was becoming a senior in high school,  less than 2 months away. But I wasn't happy with who I was or where my heart was. The argument was so real that day. Change hit me like a ton of bricks, change hit me like the worst rainstorm of my life. All the rain was pouring on me and I was looking for that rainbow. And That person will now never be in my life again and I was struggling with who I was in this big, wide and empty world. 

But I found my place in this world. Buckeye Girls State came into my life and changed it forever. Change happened and I couldn't be happier now.When I went to BGS, It opened my eyes to a brand new world.

Buckeye Girls / Boys State is a program about mock government and leadership one could attend after their junior year in high school. It's a week on two different college campuses with over 900 girls and over 1,200 boys in each program from all over Ohio. These are the students who have a unique interest in government and leadership and are willing to be Ohio's next leaders. It is sponsored by the American Legion, your post sends each student for free, all expenses paid. Buckeye Girls State is at The University Of Mount Union in Alliance, Ohio. and Buckeye Boys State was held at Bowling Green State University.  As you arrive on campus, The individual gets to sign in and receive a card with the necessary information for the week including what party they are in. At girls state, the political parties are Nationalists vs. Federalists. There is one Fed and one Nat in each room. 

Each student gets to pick, campaign and be elected to office for a certain job throughout the week. Your dorm room floor is your city and your dorm building is your county. I was in Junge City, Close County. Everyone works in different forms of government. If you don't know what you want to do going into the week, after looking over the choices before the week started, the next day is a 3 part workshop day to decide. I now Make sure I'm on time, never late, but it didn't hurt to be early. At both Boys and Girls State, You can be in the choir, band and a choice of being a highway patrol trooper. When the troopers are sworn in, each person has to wear their seatbelt. It might look like an average rubber band to anyone off of campus, but you always had to have it. I learned to Never drink and drive, Never text and drive and Always wear your seatbelt even if it's on sidewalks!! 

Throughout the week, there will be a ton of cheering, campaigning, caucuses, dress code, rallies and so much more.  The process of voting was a lot more detailed than I thought. Government is very important in our daily lives. It may seem like a lot of work walking around campus in the hot June heat, but it was so worth it. There is a free time block everyday, to chill in your room, get a smoothie at the café with your new friends, exercise or even take a nap. The girls in my city were definitely my support system and sat next to me at each meal. We all just clicked and became friends immediately. 

I had the privilege to be City Council President. It was such a surprise when the girls of Junge City nominated me for office! I was in charge of 45 other girls in my city. I found out on the 3rd day and got to wear this ribbon around on my lanyard. Only at BGS, you had to wear your lanyard everyday and everywhere outside of your dorm room. This lanyard has your key to your room, the key to your building, your meal swipe card and your identification and city/county. It was very useful to see who was yellow for nationalists and who was blue for federalists. It is so important to work together, no matter what party you are in, to get things done in an efficient manner. 

I found myself at girls state, even if it was 3 hours away. I was extremely happy to go and meet girls that weren't shoved into a high school like most girls I meet my age are and to find out that I'm not alone and there is so much to see and do and so many people to meet. I never knew half of the places in Ohio these girls were from. Did you know there is a town named Shadyside, Ohio? Either did I! Mostly, I learned to calm down, relax, have fun and smile through it all. The closing ceremony on Saturday was bittersweet. I was happy to go home. But, on the other hand, I was extremely sad to leave government functioning, all my new friends that touched my life and made me so happy, the workshops that taught me how to be the best city council president to my abilities, the cafe runs during free times, the chants we did for our cities, counties and parties. I miss it all. It's going to be a year in June.  Going back home into reality sadly, everything reminds me of my week in Alliance. I would give anything to go back! I am seriously considering coming back on staff, and using the staff  last year as my inspiration. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat! I loved it so much! I highly suggest you to go and learn more about government and meet some friends that will last a lifetime. Now I know you can't get a rainbow without a little rain. I would love to meet and answer any questions you might have. Thank you! 

Dear Future Homeowners,

Dear Future Homeowners,

I don't know you.

You don't know me.

We may never know each other.

You may never read this.

We might always be strangers. 

But this house has so much meaning to me. This was my grandparents house for over 20 years. My mom told everyone she was pregnant with me in this house. I stayed in this house when my sister was being born. We wrote words on the shower doors when we were younger. We spent every Christmas at this house. I would crawl into bed with my grandma and we would watch the news together. We always went in the hot tub on the deck. We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we poured our hearts out to each other in this house. Our whole family. This house will always have such a strong presence in my heart and I never want to let that go. I knew I could always come to this house. It was my security. I would wake up in the morning and have long talks with my grandma with hot chocolate. Yes, the clock sounds every hour on the hour, usually 1-2 minutes early. My sister and I would make Buckeyes and Christmas cookies every year in this house. We would walk all over town and come back to a warm and loving home. I would spin on the chair in the computer room until i was extremely dizzy. It's something I grew up in and now it won't be apart of me anymore. There are so many memories made in that house. You are truly lucky to have this house now. "If I could just come in I swear I'll leave. Won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me." It truly is the house that built me into a better person. We may never know each other but I love crazy, comforting, strong house. Take care of it, raise your family here, make memories you will never forget. I know I will never forget this house.  It means a lot to me. 

Sincerely, 

A stranger that has a million memories here. 

Questions for God

We are supposed to radiate Jesus when He was doing all the good on Earth. But we aren't we are going towards earthly minded things that don't even make any sense. 

Yes. I truly believe Everything happens for a reason with all my heart. During tough situations my grip loosens on that quote and I'm not sure what to do or how to do it. I always say I'll figure it out. But, I'm supposed to give it to God. 

But how??

How can I give it to God? 

How is that possible? 

I'm doing everything I can, God. 

I'm giving it to you. 

I constantly get told "talk to Him. Everything is under His plan." 

Is it really?? 

Sure doesn't feel like that. 

Why did He make us broken and lost and confused?

Why did He make me to feel alone?

Why does He allow someone to be good to you and in your life forever?

Why don't I have confidence, God?

Why isn't He  answering my questions?? 

It doesn't seem like what I've heard all my life that He wants us to be. 

Why did God create me to get mad at someone? 

Why did God create me to stress out? 

Why did God create me to worry about what people think of me? 

Why did God make me awkward and not brave?

Why did God create my life for me to not know what my plan is?

Why did God make struggles in my life?

Why did God let me block out everything? 

Why did God allow people to come back into my life, when I wasn't ready? 

Why did God let me cry myself to sleep? 

 Why did God say yup this is what you're doing right now? 

Why did He make my mind wander when I'm trying to learn? 

Why does God allow me to love so much when I shouldn't?

God, Why aren't there answers to these questions? 

on forgiveness...

Life becomes easier when accept an apology you never got. -Robert Brault  

Forgiveness is such a hard thing to do. It's not easy to just forgive someone over night for all the pain, stress and hardship they caused you. It doesn't happen with a blink of an eye or clicking your heels together 3 times (believe me I've tried). It begins first off when you accept God into your heart. If you accept Him and love Him, you will have Him looking after you and guiding you to do what is right. He knows life isn't easy and accepting Him into your life isn't easy. Even if you've known God for your entire life, continuing a trusting relationship isn't easy. This is where the second step in forgiving others, to me takes place. It's the fact that saying, thinking or praying, "Yes, I know God and I love Him. I am finally ready to move on from my past." You aren't going to jump up right away when you complete these steps and forgive everyone that has ever did you wrong. You just aren't. You need to pray and think about it for as long as you need. I think supportive friends that believe the same as you, is the next step. You need to surround yourself with people who love you so much and only want the best for you. I am so proud to say, I have those friends now. I have those people that will call me out when I'm being rude or not accepting others for who they are. Grace is there and everyone deserves it.  My past has changed me into a better person. Even though, I don't have some certain people in my life, it doesn't mean I shouldn't step back and forgive them for what happened between us. I'm not just going to forget but I'm going to move on and be a better person.  God is working in my heart and I pray He is working in yours too. 

God, You are good when there's nothing left in me

It's something about constant love and support pouring into my heart that makes me the happiest. New friends and people wanting to be in my life make me happy. I guess, I just need consistency. People aren't forever, sadly. 
Imagine yourself not being here, sitting in heaven and seeing your friends. Imagine how hard that would be that you aren't there in the pictures. you aren't there to dance and smile and laugh with them. You, personally, are watching God right next to you change your friends hearts. He is doing such amazing things. But the down side is, you aren't there. 
It crushes me to think what would happen if I wasn't there. If I wasn't taking selfies and having one-on-ones with my leaders. I'm so glad I get to be apart of this supportive community. I'm surrounded at all ends with love and I couldn't be more thankful. I'm thankful for the people who pour their lives and love into me. Going to College next year, I never once realized since recently, Ohio is filled with such amazing people. 

I'm just thinking tonight about how different my life has been in the last year: 

" wow. I went to girls state and now people look up to me as a role model. "  a year ago I was applying to BGS. A year ago, my life changed. On January 29th 2015, my life changed. I didn't know it then, but it did. I grabbed the purple application packet for Girls State and my life has never been the same since. It sucks that it's just a memory now. but it's such a blessing that its a memory. 

Going from building so much hate up in my heart in March through May and then going to BGS in June. thinking back on it it's like how did I still have love to give? how did I continue? how did I smile?  but then I became friends with such amazing girls from all of Ohio and it changed me. my heart grew 3 sizes that hot muggy and rainy, no AC day in June. I was just so happy to be there and have new friends and new opportunities. I don't know what my heart would look like if I didn't go and oh I don't think I want to. it's so weird looking back like my heart was so very full of negatives and then I went to BGS and my heart smiled for the first time in months!! I met girls that were the same age as me with no bullying and we all weren't pushed into a high school like we have been. It was is different.  My heart changed. 

I am just so thankful for Girls State, and Young Life, and for the new friends God has put into my life recently. No more negative thoughts and feelings.... My heart and positivity has been changed for the better now!!

What defines me...

A unknown source once wrote, "As much as you want to plan your life, it has a surprising way with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned" I try to plan my life and control every aspect. But, I love to find out the little unexpected things in life that make me happier. I never imagined seeing myself going to the University Of Toledo next year. But, I have came to realize what I need to do. I need to have faith in my plans and my God. I need to rely on my friends and family. And I need to continue to be a leader as life goes on. What defines me isn't just the 123s or abcs of Lauren Hite. And I have no idea what someone would find if there was a dictionary with my name in it. Maybe they would find kind, caring, sweet, loving, faithful, passionate, supportive. Maybe it would say my patience, when I have nothing or my attitude, when I have everything. Or Maybe not. Maybe, that person would find under my name that one time I didn't answer my phone when my friend called me to make sure I was okay but I was broken inside or that time I hid in the school bathroom crying. But my mistakes don't define me. My mistakes aren't who I am. They were just mistakes. The definition of Mistake is to make a wrong judgment of the character or the ability to understand incorrectly. and I am so sure you wouldn't find Mistake under my name in the dictionary. Maybe, someone that turns to my name would find, Three things that define Lauren are faith, friends and family and love of being a leader. 

My faith In God is stronger than my fears. He gave me one book to read. I love to Journal my thoughts on different scripture verses. I couldn't go without my faith journal or Bible. My God is my life and I love him passionately and deeply. 

My faith comes from family, passing it on from generation to generation. Family by Definition is, a group of people who are related to each other. My family remains close to me even in times of trouble and I hope to be as good of a person to my children in the future, as they are to me now. We are very close and I don't think I will ever push aside being with them. I put my family before anyone else! 

But, God made us good friends because He knew our parents couldn't handle us as siblings The literal definition of a Friend is a person who helps or supports someone who you enjoy being with. And my friends have done just that. I have friends are there for me when I need it, I have friends that constantly pour love and support into my heart. I have realized some friends left me empty and pushed aside, but I now have new friends that our path hasn't been the smoothest but it has made us stronger friends, to this day. I strive to be strong and lead my friends through life. 

Leadership is very important in my daily life. Leadership is the understanding and pursuing the job put in front of you.  A leader according to merriam-Webster a leader is defined by a person who authority or influence. 

Leadership is not about bossing people around, it is about standing up and taking action when needed. It’s about being kind and a role model and to who people will want to look up to. Throughout my years at Evergreen, my leadership skills have skyrocketed. The leadership actions I have taken here, at EHS, are something I will never forget. 

I assure you I'm not by definition, quote on quote "perfect".  I have my mistakes and I have my brokenness. But I do know, I was called to be a leader. I was called to go to Evergreen and do great things. I was called to be in my family and I was called to have my friends. Some days, things don't go right. You need to take the steps to make it right. You should have the leadership to guide your life how you want it to go and I wish for nothing less but greatness from you. Thank you. 

Upset but stronger than the stress...

Lately, over the past 4 or so months I have not been in the best mood. I have been mad at pretty much the whole world. My attitude kinda sucked. There was so much hate built inside me and I don't know how it even started. Looking back, it felt like I was in a good spot in life. But at the time, I didn't know how to think I was just confused and tired of being pushed aside. I didn't want to be apart of anything or show up to things. I didn't want to show up and pretend I was happy and nothing was going on. Because it was.  Something deep inside of me, even when someone close to me asked how I was doing I would plain out lie. "Oh I'm doing good" "Today was an alright day"

"I'm doing just fine" 

But, really I wasn't. Even the happiest, strongest people fall down sometimes. I wanted to be so far apart from the ones I loved that I stopped posting certain things on social media and only showed up and left to basically all the events I went to. I filled myself with negative thoughts and was confused on what actually I kept acting happy for. I just kept being a positive person but I would fall apart soon after. 

Im always reminding myself to continue to be strong and positive. There are so many amazing and beautiful things God has put on this Earth for us to discover. He put friends you can lean on when you don't think you can keep up with this constant race, we keep running in circles doing the same thing over and over. I'm on lap (day) 16/366 right now. But, don't act like while you're running and pushing through life that you will experience the same thing, you won't. There will be a spot that's just for you in Heaven and that's our main goal. 

You might not get into the college you saw yourself at or you might be sick when you want to go somewhere with your friends, promise me that you won't be mad at God. He is doing the best for you. He loves you so much.I think of it as He has a huge notebook and you and your life has a page full of awesome content. He wants to see your strengths. He wants you to turn to him and stop saying "I'll figure it out." Because you won't... you'll be lost and scared and tired and broken. 

As you're going through each and everyday, feel more confident, raise your head high and start smiling through it all. Maybe it won't go the way you planned but God has it perfectly under control. He's not stressed on what will happen to you tomorrow, He knows it all. When you can't breathe because you're rushing through everything, slow down and look for the positives. It might be a friend that sends you a really nice message or a good grade on your homework you struggled on last night or an awesome new Bible verse you are dying to tell everyone you know. But maybe just maybe we all need to be a little stronger and a little more happy in life. I wish you nothing but good luck, well wishes and all time happiness in your life.