Questions for God

We are supposed to radiate Jesus when He was doing all the good on Earth. But we aren't we are going towards earthly minded things that don't even make any sense. 

Yes. I truly believe Everything happens for a reason with all my heart. During tough situations my grip loosens on that quote and I'm not sure what to do or how to do it. I always say I'll figure it out. But, I'm supposed to give it to God. 

But how??

How can I give it to God? 

How is that possible? 

I'm doing everything I can, God. 

I'm giving it to you. 

I constantly get told "talk to Him. Everything is under His plan." 

Is it really?? 

Sure doesn't feel like that. 

Why did He make us broken and lost and confused?

Why did He make me to feel alone?

Why does He allow someone to be good to you and in your life forever?

Why don't I have confidence, God?

Why isn't He  answering my questions?? 

It doesn't seem like what I've heard all my life that He wants us to be. 

Why did God create me to get mad at someone? 

Why did God create me to stress out? 

Why did God create me to worry about what people think of me? 

Why did God make me awkward and not brave?

Why did God create my life for me to not know what my plan is?

Why did God make struggles in my life?

Why did God let me block out everything? 

Why did God allow people to come back into my life, when I wasn't ready? 

Why did God let me cry myself to sleep? 

 Why did God say yup this is what you're doing right now? 

Why did He make my mind wander when I'm trying to learn? 

Why does God allow me to love so much when I shouldn't?

God, Why aren't there answers to these questions? 

on forgiveness...

Life becomes easier when accept an apology you never got. -Robert Brault  

Forgiveness is such a hard thing to do. It's not easy to just forgive someone over night for all the pain, stress and hardship they caused you. It doesn't happen with a blink of an eye or clicking your heels together 3 times (believe me I've tried). It begins first off when you accept God into your heart. If you accept Him and love Him, you will have Him looking after you and guiding you to do what is right. He knows life isn't easy and accepting Him into your life isn't easy. Even if you've known God for your entire life, continuing a trusting relationship isn't easy. This is where the second step in forgiving others, to me takes place. It's the fact that saying, thinking or praying, "Yes, I know God and I love Him. I am finally ready to move on from my past." You aren't going to jump up right away when you complete these steps and forgive everyone that has ever did you wrong. You just aren't. You need to pray and think about it for as long as you need. I think supportive friends that believe the same as you, is the next step. You need to surround yourself with people who love you so much and only want the best for you. I am so proud to say, I have those friends now. I have those people that will call me out when I'm being rude or not accepting others for who they are. Grace is there and everyone deserves it.  My past has changed me into a better person. Even though, I don't have some certain people in my life, it doesn't mean I shouldn't step back and forgive them for what happened between us. I'm not just going to forget but I'm going to move on and be a better person.  God is working in my heart and I pray He is working in yours too. 

God, You are good when there's nothing left in me

It's something about constant love and support pouring into my heart that makes me the happiest. New friends and people wanting to be in my life make me happy. I guess, I just need consistency. People aren't forever, sadly. 
Imagine yourself not being here, sitting in heaven and seeing your friends. Imagine how hard that would be that you aren't there in the pictures. you aren't there to dance and smile and laugh with them. You, personally, are watching God right next to you change your friends hearts. He is doing such amazing things. But the down side is, you aren't there. 
It crushes me to think what would happen if I wasn't there. If I wasn't taking selfies and having one-on-ones with my leaders. I'm so glad I get to be apart of this supportive community. I'm surrounded at all ends with love and I couldn't be more thankful. I'm thankful for the people who pour their lives and love into me. Going to College next year, I never once realized since recently, Ohio is filled with such amazing people. 

I'm just thinking tonight about how different my life has been in the last year: 

" wow. I went to girls state and now people look up to me as a role model. "  a year ago I was applying to BGS. A year ago, my life changed. On January 29th 2015, my life changed. I didn't know it then, but it did. I grabbed the purple application packet for Girls State and my life has never been the same since. It sucks that it's just a memory now. but it's such a blessing that its a memory. 

Going from building so much hate up in my heart in March through May and then going to BGS in June. thinking back on it it's like how did I still have love to give? how did I continue? how did I smile?  but then I became friends with such amazing girls from all of Ohio and it changed me. my heart grew 3 sizes that hot muggy and rainy, no AC day in June. I was just so happy to be there and have new friends and new opportunities. I don't know what my heart would look like if I didn't go and oh I don't think I want to. it's so weird looking back like my heart was so very full of negatives and then I went to BGS and my heart smiled for the first time in months!! I met girls that were the same age as me with no bullying and we all weren't pushed into a high school like we have been. It was is different.  My heart changed. 

I am just so thankful for Girls State, and Young Life, and for the new friends God has put into my life recently. No more negative thoughts and feelings.... My heart and positivity has been changed for the better now!!

What defines me...

A unknown source once wrote, "As much as you want to plan your life, it has a surprising way with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned" I try to plan my life and control every aspect. But, I love to find out the little unexpected things in life that make me happier. I never imagined seeing myself going to the University Of Toledo next year. But, I have came to realize what I need to do. I need to have faith in my plans and my God. I need to rely on my friends and family. And I need to continue to be a leader as life goes on. What defines me isn't just the 123s or abcs of Lauren Hite. And I have no idea what someone would find if there was a dictionary with my name in it. Maybe they would find kind, caring, sweet, loving, faithful, passionate, supportive. Maybe it would say my patience, when I have nothing or my attitude, when I have everything. Or Maybe not. Maybe, that person would find under my name that one time I didn't answer my phone when my friend called me to make sure I was okay but I was broken inside or that time I hid in the school bathroom crying. But my mistakes don't define me. My mistakes aren't who I am. They were just mistakes. The definition of Mistake is to make a wrong judgment of the character or the ability to understand incorrectly. and I am so sure you wouldn't find Mistake under my name in the dictionary. Maybe, someone that turns to my name would find, Three things that define Lauren are faith, friends and family and love of being a leader. 

My faith In God is stronger than my fears. He gave me one book to read. I love to Journal my thoughts on different scripture verses. I couldn't go without my faith journal or Bible. My God is my life and I love him passionately and deeply. 

My faith comes from family, passing it on from generation to generation. Family by Definition is, a group of people who are related to each other. My family remains close to me even in times of trouble and I hope to be as good of a person to my children in the future, as they are to me now. We are very close and I don't think I will ever push aside being with them. I put my family before anyone else! 

But, God made us good friends because He knew our parents couldn't handle us as siblings The literal definition of a Friend is a person who helps or supports someone who you enjoy being with. And my friends have done just that. I have friends are there for me when I need it, I have friends that constantly pour love and support into my heart. I have realized some friends left me empty and pushed aside, but I now have new friends that our path hasn't been the smoothest but it has made us stronger friends, to this day. I strive to be strong and lead my friends through life. 

Leadership is very important in my daily life. Leadership is the understanding and pursuing the job put in front of you.  A leader according to merriam-Webster a leader is defined by a person who authority or influence. 

Leadership is not about bossing people around, it is about standing up and taking action when needed. It’s about being kind and a role model and to who people will want to look up to. Throughout my years at Evergreen, my leadership skills have skyrocketed. The leadership actions I have taken here, at EHS, are something I will never forget. 

I assure you I'm not by definition, quote on quote "perfect".  I have my mistakes and I have my brokenness. But I do know, I was called to be a leader. I was called to go to Evergreen and do great things. I was called to be in my family and I was called to have my friends. Some days, things don't go right. You need to take the steps to make it right. You should have the leadership to guide your life how you want it to go and I wish for nothing less but greatness from you. Thank you. 

Upset but stronger than the stress...

Lately, over the past 4 or so months I have not been in the best mood. I have been mad at pretty much the whole world. My attitude kinda sucked. There was so much hate built inside me and I don't know how it even started. Looking back, it felt like I was in a good spot in life. But at the time, I didn't know how to think I was just confused and tired of being pushed aside. I didn't want to be apart of anything or show up to things. I didn't want to show up and pretend I was happy and nothing was going on. Because it was.  Something deep inside of me, even when someone close to me asked how I was doing I would plain out lie. "Oh I'm doing good" "Today was an alright day"

"I'm doing just fine" 

But, really I wasn't. Even the happiest, strongest people fall down sometimes. I wanted to be so far apart from the ones I loved that I stopped posting certain things on social media and only showed up and left to basically all the events I went to. I filled myself with negative thoughts and was confused on what actually I kept acting happy for. I just kept being a positive person but I would fall apart soon after. 

Im always reminding myself to continue to be strong and positive. There are so many amazing and beautiful things God has put on this Earth for us to discover. He put friends you can lean on when you don't think you can keep up with this constant race, we keep running in circles doing the same thing over and over. I'm on lap (day) 16/366 right now. But, don't act like while you're running and pushing through life that you will experience the same thing, you won't. There will be a spot that's just for you in Heaven and that's our main goal. 

You might not get into the college you saw yourself at or you might be sick when you want to go somewhere with your friends, promise me that you won't be mad at God. He is doing the best for you. He loves you so much.I think of it as He has a huge notebook and you and your life has a page full of awesome content. He wants to see your strengths. He wants you to turn to him and stop saying "I'll figure it out." Because you won't... you'll be lost and scared and tired and broken. 

As you're going through each and everyday, feel more confident, raise your head high and start smiling through it all. Maybe it won't go the way you planned but God has it perfectly under control. He's not stressed on what will happen to you tomorrow, He knows it all. When you can't breathe because you're rushing through everything, slow down and look for the positives. It might be a friend that sends you a really nice message or a good grade on your homework you struggled on last night or an awesome new Bible verse you are dying to tell everyone you know. But maybe just maybe we all need to be a little stronger and a little more happy in life. I wish you nothing but good luck, well wishes and all time happiness in your life. 

Moving on to better things in the New Year! Let's Go 2016!

First off, I would like to start off by saying, Happy New Year to you and your family! ❤️ I wish you lots of love and blessings in 2016!!

I know 2016 won't just be the easiest and sometimes you will be down and sad and mad and angry... but honestly hold on hope because there has to be one good thing in every day. I know sometimes I'm so stressed that I don't even focus on the good that happens during the day. But, I promise you there will be. If it's as little as a have a good day text or as big as having a new friend, I know there will be. I am graduating in 2016 and will start my college experience where ever I might go. So that is something I have to look forward to! 

Dear 2015,

You were great at some parts and you sucked at some parts. I've been sad and broken and stressed this year. I had to have some really hard conversations but, I've grown from them! But I've also been happy and excited for things I got to do this year. Even in your happiest memory, there is something or someone that wants to ruin it. Don't let them!
Another huge plus was, I became a Senior this year!! And Last year, at this time was so different. Little did I know that 4 months later, I would not be friends with my so called best friend anymore.  Just like Queen Taylor Swift says, "If I could go back and tell

myself what I know now..." These past 7 months would have been so so so much different. 

 But, this year was great because I joined Evergreen Young Life. I've leaned on God a whole lot more this year!! Shoutout to my leaders aka best friends for that! And I got the awesome opportunity to go to Buckeye Girls State, this summer, where I have meet some of my best friends in the entire world!! I got to go with one of my new closer friends, Eden. She has been such an inspiring person to me and helps me through a lot. I couldn't thank Eden enough for everything over this past year. I hope we will be friends forever!

The girls I met at Girls State, I have been friends with for not even 6 months and it feels like I've known them forever. They have been just a text away when I needed them the most. A huge shoutout to Lex, Annie, Justine, Mer, Emily, Michele, Lindsay, Elaina, Mykayla and Paula. I love you all so so so so much!! Maybe in 2016 there will be a reunion, but if not we have to hold on hope and really really appreciate that we know each other. Like I have said, "When one door slams shut, another one opens wide..." Crazy how much can change in a whole year. To be real honest, I  don't think a conversation with 2014 me and 2015 me would go all that well. I've became closer to some of my friends and distanced myself from others.  I've definitely changed and opened my eyes to the craziness that goes on in the world. Honestly, I wouldn't want to change anything in my life right now. I'm going into 2016 with some amazing friends and an even closer family. I want to thank everyone who made my 2015 great. I love you all so much!! Let's go 2016!❤️

What's Holding Me Back?

Today (Wednesday November 25th) I sat down at a coffee shop and talked to a friend. She said she thinks something is holding me back in my life. I got to thinking about it and maybe there are somethings that are stoping me from living life to the fullest. I've decided after thinking of it non stop for hours on end, that this blog would be more of a journal.


On Wednesday, I felt a lot of things were holding me back. Including embarrassment of what others think of me. I have always had somewhere deep down tell me that people always make fun of me. If that's right or not, you tell me. But sometimes I believe it. No telling how much I think about it at certain times. Yes, I've grown out of that thought but sometimes it comes back. It feels different but it might really be true. Raises up through my toes and straight to my brain. Maybe it's the people at school, maybe it's family, maybe it's not any of those things. Maybe I don't care what people think anymore. Maybe it's confidence but I know I'm strong and better than anyone who doesn't like me for genuinely me.


Thursday. Thanksgiving. November 26.
I am extremely thankful for my family, friends, young life, BGS2015. I am also thinking what's holding me back is my strength and fear. Strength that I have today and Fear that I don't know about every tomorrow. I don't know where in life I'm going or will end up basically, but I know if I keep my friends and family close I'll always know what to do.


On Friday November 27, I felt like my feelings were holding me back. When you're down and tired and broken. When you don't want to talk to anyone about anything or even watch tv and just sit in your blankets on a rainy day. I'm worn out. I don't know how I'm going to keep going. I really don't know what's next.


Then Saturday November 28 , I felt like being busy was holding me back. Stretching myself a hundred different ways. Being everywhere and doing everything at once. Keeping up at home, with friends, school, money and so much more. Believe me I love to be busy. I love to have things to do. I love to be involved at school and be in clubs. I love hanging out with friends so so very  much. I feel like my friends and YL leaders have grabbed my hand and pulled me through the rough times. And it's not that. Sometimes even though it's hard to admit, I don't live by God First, Others Second, I'm Third.. and that's really sad. I get caught up in my daily life and balancing high school and college, that I honestly don't continue a relationship with God but I need to and that's what young life is for. It's so easy to get caught up in your routine and not make time for yourself or God or anything else that matters to you.


Sunday November 29, I felt like being scared and nervous of certain places held me back. This week, I have seen a movie in theaters and been to the mall. With all the craziness going on in the world right now, I felt scared. I didn't know what to do without looking around like crazy. I have been raised in a small and very safe community. We don't have much media or too much hectic activity. We are secluded in our safe and plush neighborhood that we are so lucky to live in. Yes, we can go out of our town but like I have mentioned: You can take the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl. My heart is here and this is where I want to raise my family someday. We love our little village and don't want to give it up. I've always been scared of the big city.


On Monday November 30th, it felt like for most of the day I could be myself. Even though, I have piles of work and many upcoming tests and everything flipped upside down, today was a good day. Sometimes, change is good. Maybe I need to accept that and not try to control everything.


Well Tuesday December 1st, I feel like I am getting happier and happier each day as I do these. Today was a good day. Overwhelmingly busy, but good. It wasn't my normal routine at school today and I kind of appreciated it. Today was a different round about way of doing things and I liked it. It was cloudy outside, just like my thoughts. But, unlike the clouds, I'm confused. The clouds aren't. They snow and rain when it's supposed too. When God thinks it's a good day for rain or snow. The clouds keep moving and eventually leave just like people. I will leave high school, after graduation, I will walk out for the last time. Just like the clouds, I will disappear from the high school air and won't ever be in the same place again.


Wednesday December 2nd. My sisters birthday. Today was a gloomy day. Fog in the morning and clouds all day. Today was different. Today felt like I got back to my roots. We had pizza bob and tomato soup at lunch just like HTS and now we are having breakfast for dinner. Well, I realized this blog didn't get anywhere. I am smiling more and I am more happy after I talked to Layal. One week since I sat down and talked to my best friend, Layal. What is holding me back? I'm not 100% sure but I do know. I have a God who loves me unconditionally. He loves all of you. He loves my leaders and my friends from school. He loves you and me so much. What's holding me back may not be a perfectly planned life or no control over my future. But God knows. He created me and He loves me. He knows all the hairs on my head and what I'm going to be doing 6 years and 2 months from now. He has my life in His hands.